Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
1011 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Just Friends

Richard is getting the scoop from John. Richard's mouth is open, which means he's thinking. He moves his head a bit and I can see the tag on his neckline that says, "Hello, I belong to Gwen. Hands OFF!" Richard asks whether John can sleep with Ally without Nelle finding out. John says he has a real problem because he has always been interested in Ally, but really likes Nelle. Richard says he understands that John wants to have his Nelle "and eat Ally, too." John has his fingers all over his mouth. Richard asks who he wants more. John doesn't know. Richard says he could sleep with Ally tonight and then go back to Nelle. John says that it's not that simple. It's not just Whipper Wattles and Knee Pits with Ling. It's not all about sex. "You put the 'fish' in 'superficial,'" he finger-points to Richard as he storms off. Richard mouth-breathes and says he really likes that.

Lord. Georgia has gone and chopped off all her hair. Ling makes some catty comments. Georgia walks over to Billy so they can have a moment that looks like: "I look more like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby!" "No, I look more like her!" "No, I do!" "ME!" Georgia hands Billy some divorce papers. Billy looks shocked. Sandy looks sad. Georgia looks like she's getting tired of not having any lines in this season. The two non-blondes stand in a spotlight for a few more seconds until I get completely blinded from the glare. Renee will be Georgia's lawyer. Georgia snarls and walks off. Billy storms into his office. No one gets to be alone for more than three seconds in this firm, so Sandy opens the door and asks him if she can do anything. He says no. She shuts the door to trap in the sad oboe.

Renee tells Ally that she should take "bold steps." Ally says she should get what she deserves. "Right on," they make Renee say. Ally turns to walk into the elevator, but it's not there so she falls down the shaft and out of her dream. Just another scene where a woman is lowered from her position. Ally wakes up on a couch and her hair is everywhere. Ling counts to three and walks in. She says her penile psychic senses have gone off and she knows that Ally's love of her life is the funny little man. Ally plays dumb until Ling says that Nelle is her best friend and that Ally doesn't even know if she likes men. Ally insists that she does like men, which, if you remember correctly is why Ling and Ally didn't work out, but Ling pulls on Ally's leg and does that knee pit thing that I just don't understand. Ally gets aroused until she pulls her leg away. She starts to ask Ling where she learned it, but Ling asks her why she's doing all of this. Ally yells that she hasn't done anything, so she should just leave. There is a really dumb moment of Ally and Ling breathing fire at each other.

Ally McBeal

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