Hey, there's a new show on FOX called Malcolm in the Middle? Why didn't anyone tell me?

Ally is looking in the mirror dreaming of walking in the snow with John while listening to Vonda beg to be seen, heard and touched. Ling walks in so that Vonda can slow to a halt. Ling asks Ally what's wrong. With a LTR, Ally says that nothing is wrong. Ling points out that Ally is staring into the mirror, which means that something must be wrong. Ally says that she likes looking at herself. LTR. Ling says, "Fine, don't tell me." This is too much of an arm-twist for Ally, who then begins to tell Ling the entire story, but without mentioning John's name. Ling is wearing a fuzzy red sweater that is so fuzzy she appears blurry from the neck down. Ally gets to the part about "this guy" having a girlfriend when Ling interrupts to say there's always a girlfriend because all of the good guys are taken. Ling asks if this is a casual lust or "The One." Ally says it's "The One." Of course it's "The One." They're all "The One." Car Wash Guy was "The One." Ling says that most women don't even get to meet that certain man, let alone have a chance to be with him. Ally brings her hands to hear head to fret that she might not work out with him and then she's just ruined things for him and his girlfriend. Ling says that if it's this guy's life that she's worried about, then forget it. He's better off without her. "Thank you, Ling," Ally spits. "You've been a big help." Ally walks back to her mirror and stares at herself.

John is working on some remote control high heels. The remote causes the heel to rise and fall. Nelle walks in with her hair down. She's wearing a Pop Art parka that is one of those optical illusions where it looks like black squares on a white background when you look at it with one side of your brain, and looks like shit when you use the other. She sees the shoes and asks what he's doing with them. John stammers long enough for Nelle to freak out that he's got a shoe fetish. Her "freak out" look is so scary -- eyes wide, arms stuck at sides under the puke-a, eyebrows fiercely drawn, nose severely upset -- that I start worrying that a house will fall on her. He says he doesn't have a fetish. She brings up the spanking again, which I think makes that officially EVERY EPISODE this year. Let. It. Go. Don't these two ever talk about anything else? I mean, Nelle hates him for a new reason each and every week. You think she'd bring up some other points besides the time he was trying to live out a fantasy for her. She asks whom the shoes are for. He says they are for her. His finger is in his mouth. She loves them, of course. She puts them on immediately. John walks over to her. She kisses him on the forehead. He pushes the remote control and she lowers three inches. She's right at his height. He kisses her and pushes the remote again. She rises to her natural height. "That's what they're for," he smiles. Nelle looks a bit surprised. I giggle. But really, what's with the women going up and down in this episode?