Ally McBeal
Just Friends

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Just Friends

Ally makes the long walk to her office and does so with her arms really, really pumping. Imagine the stride of a mall walker. She stops so that Ling can yell her name and accuse her of "still thinking about it." More stupid fire spitting. Ling shrinks and runs away. Whatever. John calls her name. Ally spins around with a monster growl. John offers her a "morning." "What is all this 'good morning' crap?" Ally sneers. Well good day, Sunshine. John asks for the fifth time this episode if Ally is all right. Besides the fact that she's wearing the same clothes, she says that she's just fine, of course. "I just picked up you as a patient, and things couldn't be more dandy, could they, John?" John follows her into her office because no one on Ally McBeal is ever truly alone. "You're obviously upset with my decision," John offers for Understatement of the Year. Ally huffs and puffs and caves her pride in. She says she's not upset. She thinks he did the right thing. He says he adores her and admires her. She asks how his clarity hit him. He says that he knows he's odd and he thinks he needs a partner that can ground him and that no one is "a bigger wacko" than Ally, so she's the wrong choice. Ally retorts by saying that no one is a bigger wacko that he is. This starts a big game of name calling and quirk-bashing that includes choice lines as, "Nobody looks in the mirror and sees Barry White b-b-b-b-besides Barry, so don't be calling me a wacko," and "At least I know that he's not really there, which is more than I can say for you and Al Green." Ooga-chacka, ooga-chacka. Dancing babies. When John makes his first drafts, his feet smell, but no one will tell him because they are afraid they'll make his nose whistle. John says that one little rejection and she's reduced herself to name-calling. Ally says, "Oh, why don't you just go Puh-puh-puh-porky yourself right out of here, you funny little man?" John gives her a very large smile that looks like he might cry. Ally snorts at his "smile therapy," calls him a nut, and storms off. Damn. The endgame, "smile therapy," was the only quirk I was unfamiliar with. Although Ally won that fight, she was really too harsh for what John was saying. That and he's the only character on this show I still like. Okay, I like Elaine, too, but not if she's going to become a virgin.

Bob has returned to apologize to Elaine and ask for a second chance. He says he'll try to be a perfect gentleman. She says that you don't "try" to be a gentleman, you "are" one. He says that he's not the only one at fault. He points out that she went out with him for what she thought he was just like he went out with her for what he thought she was. Elaine says they were both wrong and then asks him to leave. The sad oboe calls the elevator for him.

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Ally McBeal




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