Oh my god, we're only fifty-eight minutes in. Damn you, DEK! Damn you and your two-hour Very Special Ally Event! Richard and Corretta are listening as Miss Bump describes Jerome's case against them. She says she knows this firm has problems with love, since no one is in a relationship or "can even get a date." Which may be why they broke up Dame Edna and her sweet Jerome. Why, the senior partner can't even decide if she can get past first base with a plumber. And she gets so sentimental! Boo hoo hoo! Richard melts. Corretta rolls her eyes. Miss Bump tightens Richard's tie, and tucks the end of it deep into his shirt, making him gasp in excitement. Oh, ew. Miss Bump says that if they don't advise Dame Edna anymore, she'll drop the case; then she sashays out in her white mini-suit. Corretta gasps, "She's vicious!" Richard just gasps and keeps on popping his tiny boner.
Aerial shot of Boston by day. We land in the motion-to-dismiss courtroom with Richard, Corretta, Dame Edna and her sweet Jerome, and no Christina Ricci. Richard says she has no case and it's rude of her not to even appear, and the she rushes in apologizing -- she's in trial on the third floor and came up during her break. She isn't suing a law firm for providing legal advice; it's because they didn't advise Jerome to get his own counsel, and pushed for the pre-nup against the will of Dame Edna. Judge is all, "Is this true"? Well, yes. Miss Bump calls for a sidebar. She'll drop the case if everyone in the firm stops advising Dame Edna on whether to marry Jerome: "The pre-nup is moot." Judge says that seems fair. Cage, Fish and McBeal are "gagged" from trying to talk Dame Edna out of getting hitched. John smiles at Miss Bump. She blows him off. Sucker. God, why is each scene in this show like a minute long? I can never get my groove on. It's like recappus interruptus. Give me a long scene, please.
Cage, Fish and McBeal. Ray tells Ally none of his former colleagues will jump ship to this shithole. And that Todd guy? "Didn't work out," says Ally. Then, he's standing there, Matthew Perry, in all his armor. Can she have a moment? Sure. You have sixty seconds left. He begins: "My therapist says the inner me is...." Ally finishes his thought: "A dick?" Ooh, potty mouth! What is this, Sex & The City? God, I wish. He says that's the word. And Ally helps bring forth his "dickedness." He gives the word some real Chandler-esque English. You know, upward rising inflection, head tilt, invisible air quotes. Could he be another character beside Chandler? The answer is no. So, He's "dick-ed" because Ally is The Girl For Him. She pushes his buttons. She's feisty, crazy. Everything he digs. He's asking her out. And since she can't get past first base with the plumber guy, well, where's the harm in that? Ally is concerned with her daughter's well-being, and Ally isn't even a practical person! "Never has been, never will be," she adds. Ally rises and leaves her office. Matthew Perry yells after her, "Look at her go. Girl!" Hee, he said "go girl." Ally returns, and points her bony girl arm in the silent, universal gesture of "go." He says she's going to have to learn "to ignore what [he] says last." I can do that.