Ally McBeal
Love Is All Around

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Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now!
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Love Is All Around

Once inside John Cage's office, Miss Liza Bump pinches John's cheeks to death, since he looks so cute in his mariachi outfit. She says Nelle's cute, too. And Liza goes for older guys! But not this much older. And, they can't win the case. It was a proper dismissal. So why not settle? $250, and they'll buy dinner. Nelle says $1 million, and Miss Bump can buy the dinner. Miss Bump petulantly asks that they pleeease not go to trial, because she isn't prepared! Right. Nelle asks that she choose. The Fabulous Miss Bump says, "Eenie, meenie, minie, mo. Trial!" It. Is. AWWWWN.

Aerial shot of Boston at twilight. We land at the offices of Fish & McBeal. Inside Richard's office, he and Corretta lecture Dame Edna on pre-nups. Dame Edna had mentioned "protection" to her sweet Jerome, and he "put on a condom." Yeah, sounds logical. Corretta says she'd hate to see Dame Edna be forced to pay alimony or a "big amount." Dame Edna interrupts her, and says Jerome "will blink" at that. No, he really will. He has a disorder that makes him blink. Then, Dame Edna blinks. Corretta -- in a rather ugly floral jacket -- says that she and Richard will approach Jerome about the pre-nup, which will make it seem like it isn't coming from Dame Edna. Whatever.

Ally and JBJ nosh at an intimate restaurant. I love the lilac lamps on the tables. JBJ says "things feel a little stiff." Heh. He means Ally is tense. "Maybe we should bring Maddie along on our dates," he says. Ally takes the defensive with neck-breaking swiftness, suggesting that in eight years, Maddie will be JBJ's "type" with a "tight little body." Sick! JBJ shrugs and looks put-apon, which he is. Ally apologizes. JBJ says it's okay, and what the hell is wrong? Third Date Syndrome. JBJ is all, ah, the Sex Date. Jesus, just wait some more if you're both so tense. Fuck these Cosmo modern sex date rules. Wait for ten dates. Wait until you're both so horny you can't wait a minute longer. Just don't stick it in on Date Three because you think you're supposed to, for fuck's sake. Oh, Ally has another concern: Maddie, the destined-to-be- tempting-teen in ten years time, is becoming "invested" in JBJ and Ally's relationship, and wants to see them together. So, the pressure is on. And Ally doesn't want to "blow [JBJ]." Oops, she means "it." She doesn't want to "blow it." Sirens go off when she makes her oral gaffe. JBJ raises his hands up to his face and says uncle: they "won't have sex tonight." But he's "not going anywhere," either. Aww.

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Ally McBeal

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