Ally McBeal
Love Is All Around

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Alex Richmond: C | Grade It Now!
Love Is All Around

Court. John examines his witness: a brunette in a pinstriped suit and a too-tight bun says she's "a tough executive." But not a bully. And she was fired because her co-workers found her "bitchy," not for her job performance. Who asks women to take anti-bully classes, anyway? John asks that she describe her "wrongful dismissal" some more. Christina Ricci leaps to her teeny feet and says, "Hell-ooo! Leading!" John asks that counsel rise before declaring her objection. The Fabulous Miss Bump asks if he's really calling her short, because that would be like the pot and kettle, you know. John throws his nose whistle over to her ski-jump action. She touches it, taken aback. Judge Albert Hall asks that she be seated. Score one for John. Miss Bump steps up. "Anti-assertiveness...." Was she a bully? No? But she did stand up to her boss on the issue of training? Okay. And, is that her husband sitting there in the courtroom, looking bespectacled and henpecked? Yes. Miss Bump has no further questions, and blows a kiss at the husband.

Nelle rushes to catch up with Miss Bump after court is adjourned to ask if Miss Bump really thinks she can win this case? Uh doy, she does! But if "Nil" wants to settle, Lolita will throw in another fifty Gs. Nelle is all, no way. Well, "Null," Lolita will toss in another fifty Gs just because "Stuffy," a.k.a. John, is so derned cute. Nelle asks if she's ever "seen the Stuffy in court." No, but she's heard. And, "Eenie, meenie, I'm a weenie! Trial." Miss Bump marches off, wiggling her wee ass in her white suit -- to spite Nelle, no doubt.

Ally sits down to have her meeting with Matthew Perry. She says he'll have equity at Fish and McBeal faster than he will at any other law firm in town. He says he'll need a junior associate working under him. She looks peeved, and jots down a note. He asks if she's listening to him. She takes a beat, then looks up, confusedly, and asks, "What?" She seems "bored." Should he "be spicing up his answers?" After all, she asked him to come in. Is it that she's distracted with the sex date, and all? Ally gets clipped. Matthew Perry says that "people talk, especially in your Unisex." Since he'll be working for her, a young Senior Partner with a house and a kid, and a jumbled personal life that shows she has no male partner and possibly bad dealings with men, she's showing herself to be "alpha female type A." Ally says her personal life won't ever be his concern, and did it ever occur to him that she might be gay? Matthew Perry says gay women don't send him "you're cute" signals like the ones she's been shooting his way ever since they met. She says she did not. He says she did too. She says she did not. He says she did too. Et cetera. Finally, she tells him to "get out." So he's not hired? "OUT!" He stands up and says he "never interviews well," and the violins pluck.

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Ally McBeal




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