Ally McBeal
Love On Holiday

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Gwen: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Do I Hear a Nickel

Ling greets Nelle in the Unisex by lilting, "Hey, bitch. What's up?" She's off the Peanut case and ready to spend the afternoon shopping. Nelle mentions buying a dress for the date auction. Ling brags about how much money she herself would hypothetically earn for the charity. Nelle challenges Ling to join the auction so that they can compete. Ling says that Nelle would probably hire someone to bid more on Nelle than she's worth. The "friends" meow along in this fashion for a while, until the bell tolls and the pseudo-ominous symphonic music plays.

Vonda sings while Ally walks down the sidewalk in search of a comb. Exemplifying the Jungian principle of synchronicity, she runs into Larry. Oh, wait...sorry. That was the Kelleyan principle of indoor set conservation. My bad. Larry fondles Ally's ear and talks about his and Ally's communication as of late. Their conversation is made of the stuff that no one outside of the couple involved would want to hear. When I woke up, Larry was telling Ally about Richard hiring him for Elaine's case.

In the conference room, the Peanut complains about Elaine's use of his nickname. Mark points out that the Peanut has been called that since his youth. The Peanut's lawyer says something stilted about not being comfortable. He says it a million more times throughout the episode, and it's never amusingly quirky the way it's supposed to be, so forgive me if I don't mention it again. The group decides to have a deposition with a stenographer the next day.

In the F&C lobby, Larry discusses the case with Mark and accidentally trips John in the process. John expresses his annoyance at Larry for singing "that little package deal" at the bar. Larry just looks at John like he's an idiot, because John is an idiot.

Kimmy shows up at F&C to hear John's little talk about her mother. Lo and behold, her mother shows up right behind her. John leads them to his office and lays it on them. He doesn't need an emotional chaperone. In her surprise and confusion, Kimmy is forced to bust out the eye tic. Kimmy's mom asks John to let Kimmy think about it. They leave and John gestures violently in a way that is, shockingly, still not funny.

In his office, Ling asks Richard if he thinks Nelle's physical charms could raise more money than hers. Richard says that of the women he's paid for, the blondes have cost more, but they never had Ling's warmth. Ling growls. I can't even think of commentary for such a lame scene.

At the deposition, Peanut complains that Elaine made him try on her face bra invention. Then he admits that he'd been on friendly terms with her until the week before. Then he claims that he was traumatized by the invention Elaine calls "The Vibra." Ugh -- not another invention. The wacky inventions on this show are getting tired, just like me.

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Ally McBeal

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