John shows up at Melanie's classroom at the end of the day. She's still pissy with him over what happened with Mr. Bo. John asks why he's so important to Melanie. "He's my father," she says. John tries to make the face that Luke Skywalker made when he found out that Darth Vader was his dad, but it's not really working. I realize that this show could use a little light-saber action. Either that, or John and Ally could get stuck in a big Death Star trash compactor.

Melanie talks about her father-related shame and embarrassment. Then she says her father's a nice person. He prefers to be homeless because it makes him less stressed and more peaceful -- or something. John wants to meet with Mr. Bo. Melanie warns that her father will want to wrestle John. John sighs. I sigh. How many more quirky bastards can they fit into this show?

Ms. Pipp's attorney closes by talking about how first impressions and packaging are everything in our society. "But this woman is a human being, for God's sake, and where do we draw the line, and Soylent Green is pe-e-e-eople!" he says. Then Ally gets up and repeats that packaging does count, and that Ms. Hill's receptionist is part of her company's packaging. You know, however, that she couldn't just close the case without making it about herself, right? She informs the jury that she herself was hired for her looks. She says, "I got my job based on my appearance -- my pretty face, my slender legs, the perfect contour of my buttocks. Does that make me proud? No." Jeez, this show makes me ill. Throughout the two closings, we go back and forth between reaction shots from Ms. Hill and Ms. Pipp. I can't get over the fact that Ms. Pipp is better looking than both Ms. Hill and Ally. I guess I'm just being shallow, though. However, even if Ms. Pipp weren't pretty, I'd rather have sex with her than with Ally, because she's funny. Funny chicks turn me on. I guess that's why I don't like Ally McBeal very much.

John approaches Mr. Bo at Ye Olde Homeless Persons' Bonfire. After a rude exchange of words, Mr. Bo solemnly asks if John loves Melanie. John thinks he does. "Then I have to wrestle you," says Mr. Bo, in a way that was almost funny. John demurs and offers to purchase some mental health treatment for Mr. Bo instead. Mr. Bo calls John a chicken and ominous-yet-humorous music plays.