Ally McBeal
Mr. Bo

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Dead can dance.

Vonda and some guy sing a Nancy and Frank Sinatra song at the bar. Elaine dances with Mark, and Melanie dances with John. Déjà freaking vu. Melanie is dressed like a flapper for some reason. She and John smash their faces together and she asks him to walk her to her apartment. John makes a goofy face.

In the dingy hallway of her complex, Melanie babbles and ticks about how it's the first time she's ever invited anyone to her apartment. She opens the door and we hear magically tinkly piano music as John looks around. At first I can't tell what's so special. It looks sort of like Ally's apartment, in fact, but with more knick-knacks. There's the same overall warm color scheme with a few touches of bright cools. Then we see that it's all one room. John asks where the bed and "commode" are. Melanie flips switches, making the bed come out of the closet and the toilet come out from under an ottoman or something. Of course John gets all hot over that, because of his stupid-invention fetish. He tells Melanie that her apartment is magical. I knew he'd say that. They start to kiss, but Melanie has to scream first and cause John to scream, too. Then they try to kiss again, and there's a loud noise and the room moves. John thinks it's an earthquake but it's not. Melanie tells him that her apartment is actually an old service elevator. Hey, that is pretty magical -- to have closets and a toilet in an elevator like that. We get the spooky swooping-down overhead camera, which must be from a Hitchcock movie or something, and the elevator apartment sinks down. What freaking ever.

We get our regular camera-over-Boston shots after the theme song, but this time, as the camera goes over that one big pointy building, the camera jerks and there's a crashing sound. I think that was David E. Kelley saying "screw you -- screw you with a big building" to his viewers.

John doesn't show up at the Fish & Cage morning meeting because he's haunting Melanie's classroom again. Ling comments on the disgusting puppy-doggish nature of his infatuation with Melanie. Richard says "excellent" and moves on. Although I haven't said it much lately, I still love Greg Germann and hope he finds a better gig after this show crashes and burns. He instructs Ally to represent Roth Public Relations firm, which has been sued by a receptionist they fired for being fat. He tells Mark to take second chair. I'm confused because I thought it was established last season that Mark was the better lawyer. Richard explains that Roth PR wanted a female lawyer. Ally pretends that she's too morally indignant to take the case. Nelle expresses surprise that the PR firm admitted they fired the woman for being fat. Richard says that he saw her picture and she was a "beast." Then he tells them all that he's entered the staff in a charity twist contest, and everyone forgets about the fat chick. Chubby Checker will perform. Woo hoo. Nelle says, "I don't twist." Richard wants to add a $1000 bet to the fun. Mark wants in on that action, since his partner will be Elaine, and everyone knows she can dance her booty off. Nelle still doesn't twist. Ling is a champion twister, she informs us herself. An animal noise plays while Ling and Ally look at each other, because all women are vicious, catty, jealous, dog cow pig horse giraffes. So Ally's in. Can't wait to see her twist her thing. Not.

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Ally McBeal

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