Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

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Alex Richmond: F | 918 USERS: B-
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Ling's holding court in her purple robes. A mom clutching her son simpers, "Good morning, Your Honor," and Ling finds for the other side. But wait! The mom is suing because she had to pay a public school $32 for cleaning fees after her son stuck gum on a desk. "It was extortion," she says. The school says they have to pay a lot of dough each year to clean up after these gum-chewing hoodlums, and then Ling blows a large pink bubble that pops on her freckled nose. She finds for the plaintiff, who gets her $32 back "times three." The plaintiff also has to pay court costs -- $500. Blam goes the gavel. Next!

Glenn enters Ally's office, and after a moment of non-sexual tension, he tries to get her to convince Jenny to settle on the case. Because Ally and Jenny are close, aren't they? Aren't they? Ally is all, "I'm thirty-one, and I don't like to play games." The fuck? Glenn is stumped when Ally says, "There's some chemistry going on." Glenn then says he's sorry if Ally got the idea that he was interested in her. She deflates, literally. Then, ha ha, it was a joke! She's a joker, not a smoker, or a midnight toker! Ha ha! Glenn leaves; Ally sharpens a pencil and does not -- though she could have -- jam it in her eye.

Aerial shot of Boston. Drink! Ray and Glenn are chowng on burgers at a fast-food joint. Does Glenn think Ally's cute? Kind of. Ray thinks the "Jane Hathaway corporate thing" indicates that Ally is "a sex machine." Sputter, choke. Ray wants to ask her out. Glenn thought Ray already did. Ray did, but "got distracted by Loin." He means Ling. What does Glenn think? Oh my god, will the high-school shit NEVER END? Glenn says he thinks Ray and Ally would be good together. Oh, barf. Ray will go for it. Of course.

Ally's with El Shrinkador. He asks for her hand, then says he wants to "confront" the issues in her dream. "Sex is the gateway to life," he says. Ally tries to wrest her hand back. El Shrinkador isn't letting go. "Lust is good," he says, then releases her bony mitt. Oh yeah? She asks for his hand. "I haven't a clue what you're saying," she says. The doc is like, "Drink from the forbidden nectar of the forbidden fruit. Navigate the passage. Surrender to your want." Ally asks whether he's telling her to go to the boy. "Oh, yes," says the doc. Oh, duh, says me. Ally badly needs to get laid.

Ally McBeal

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