El Shrinkador is really into the news that phone companies now offer a service protecting customers from their own annoying sales calls. Don't write me asking if this is true or not; I have no idea. I do know that, if you ask them, they will take your name off the call list. ["I used to be in telemarketing, and it's somewhat true. If it's an organized company with, like, records and computers and stuff (like when I used to call alumni from my university asking for donations), they will take your name off the list if you ask. But if it's a creepy, fly-by-night operation where the only 'call list' is a regular old phone book (like a collection agency I used to work for), you can ask to get removed from the list, but since there is no list, they'll just lie that they're taking you off but not actually do it. This has been The More You Know!" -- Wing Chun] And frankly, I wouldn't join a class-action suit because I've been cold-called, it's just not that annoying. But I'm a tough chick. I roll my own smokes and recap for MBTV. I don't cry like a little bitch. But that's just me. So, they need a better settlement offer by tonight. The shrink turns the conversation to more important matters, like whether Ally has fucked Glenn yet. Has she? Well, no. But he admitted he wanted it? No. But Ally can tell he does? Um...her beeper goes off, and we get a shot of Ally's plaid crotch. "It's beeping," says the shrink. It's her BEEPER, you freak. Again, I would so totally fire this doctor. John needs Ally back in the office, fast.
Here we go. John meets Ally in her office for "this semen-al moment"...whoops, "seminal." Oh my god, someone please get laid. Ally says that Ray is interested in her, which is throwing her concentration off the case, and she thinks Glenn is interested in her too. Um, John, did you have something to say? Or did you drag Ally out of therapy so that she could continue her session with you listening instead of her shrink? Ally continues to blather: "Men think that women like it when they're interested in us, but that isn't always the case." What an opening. John goes for it: "I'm interested in you. I love you. I think we would be a good couple, and I'd like to try." Ally is all kinds of stunned. Then, with barely a pause, she shoots him down. Nope. She'd love to be loved by him, but not like that. She's sure. She "has no physical passion" for him. Oh my god, she could at least try. John's a good man. Why not just kiss him, or go on a date and see how it goes? The next time Ally bitches about how difficult to get a good man...well, I'd bust on her regardless if she hooks up with a decent guy or not. She's just so bust-on-able. John makes the point that "passion cen be discovered along the way." Ally says she's "good at recognizing what [she] doesn't want,"'and that John's a great man -- perhaps the greatest man she's ever met -- but there's no chance in hell will she ever, ever do it with him. Then, she takes John's still-beating heart and takes a big, juicy bite. Ooh, it's still warm!