Previously on Ally McBeal: John was gone, so Fish usurped his hole (heh). Reverend Harris (from last season) met Ally and foisted some kid Malcolm -- who must have really needed a lawyer bad -- on Ally. Ally told Malcolm to sing at his prom. Malcolm said he wouldn't go to his prom alone. What about prom, Ally. No, Ally, WHAT! ABOUT! PROM! Just say it. Say it! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT! Sorry, lapsed into Pretty in Pink there for a second. John returned, and wouldn't "account for [his] absence." La-di-fricken-DAH! Fish asked that John address the firm, and John gave a pretty speech about happiness "at the end of the day," and how happiness isn't about "property" or material things. Ally told Malcolm he had a gift. No, really. No. Really.
Okay, before we get into the action, may I just offer a prayer that this show is not in any way a reference to the disaster that happened on September 11? As I write this, it's the three-month anniversary of the worst thing to happen in our lifetimes, and while The Daily Show is doing a fine job making with the funny, and Sars wrote a pretty great piece about it on Tomato Nation, there is just no way David E. Kelley can write anything of merit about this. Just how I feel. Dancing babies, drooling tongues, and outrageous gender stereotypes/parodies? Yes, DEK, that's your turf. It's all staked out for you. National disaster, with a massive global/social/economic impact? Don't. Touch it. Please. Now more than ever, just churn out your usual pabulum. This is my plea.
Okay, it's a snowy evening on the "streets" of "Boston." Vonda sings a repugnant ditty about one day seeing a December where "men are free" and don't "play with bombs" and "peace on earth." I have to say that in these difficult times, one thing that has gotten me through are the original songs penned by musicians affected by the events of 9/11. Talk about the unintentional funny! Larry King had a few great ones on, one by a guy with a moustache so huge Gene Shalit was jealous. His was called "Where Stars and Stripes and Eagles Fly." And on our local morning news show, a band fronted by a cop (who, I have to say, did not rock) did a little number called "Change." Because things? After 9/11? Have changed. Okay, Ally is crossing the "street" with a shopping bag of gifties, and the snow is all snowy and twinkly and she sees someone standing by a cemetery grave marker. She approaches and is all, "Sir? You okay? Because, you know, I saw you by the headstone and just was wondering if I could help the mourning along. You okay?" Great. The end. But no. The guy, who happens to be wearing a collar, has lost his wife. Ally says she's sorry. He thanks her. So, can she do anything? Yes. She can go away. Thank you! The end. No, I wish. So, is Ally "an angel, a saint, a prophet?" Nope. An attorney. Collar is all, o-ho! One of those! And he was all asking G-d for a SIGN of some sort! Ally actually says "the lord acts in mysterious ways." Oh, the ARROGANCE to imply that her standing there is a message from G-d. But, of course, Collar needs an attorney. He may have an wrongful termination suit. He was canned because he doesn't believe in You Know Who anymore. The big one. The man upstairs. G-d. Even though a second ago he was just asking someone for a sign...oh, whatever.