Ally McBeal
One Hundred Tears

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Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now!
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One Hundred Yawns

Vonda starts singing "Killing Me Softly," and Ally stomps away from the courthouse. She stomps along until she sees JBJ posing...I mean, "looking at blueprints." All the other construction workers are assembled nearby, also not working. JBJ looks put-out and embarrassed. Ally stammers, and apologizes for "this morning." JBJ does a hair sweep, and squints. Ally stammers her way through her butt-sniffing explanation. JBJ says that construction workers are not sex objects put on street corners for corporate women's amusement. Oh, boy. Since when do men object to being objectified? What a load. That would be like a rock star saying groupies are an unpleasant part of the territory. JBJ is lucky he's pretty. He introduces his crew, to humanize them to the crude Ally. She apologizes, says it was nice to see him, and carefully steps away. Christ.

Aerial shot of a Boston sunset, drink. Frank's sister is in Ally's office, saying Frank's crazy, is obsessed with flying, and breaks into their old house "incessantly." He could go to jail for a long time, and pleading crazy is "his only chance," says Ally. And we should care why? Oh yes, because we dream of flying and shit. Yeah.

Ally stomps her way along the "Boston" "streets." Vonda sings. Ally arrives at Frank's apartment, which is loaded with wings of different, homemade varieties. He excitedly shows her blueprints of his wing things. He says some feathers are "fabulous." And that he's "been working out." Ally says he needs to let her "argue diminished capacity," and why is he trying to fly? He "just has to." He needs a quest, like Don Quixote. Who was crazy, Ally points out. Franks says she reminds him of Dulcinea. Ally freaks. Her father used to sing "Dulcinea" to her as a kid. Frank asks her to tell him about when she would fly. The screen fades to black. Oh, it's just a commercial. I should drink more.

Aerial shot of Boston, woo! Elaine dances into the Uni, happy she has a match at last. Corretta is happy; John, not so much. Nell Carter dances into the Uni and tells John he doesn't have to go through life unloved, and did he really wear a bodysuit to attract women? John says he doesn't want "to engage the services" of Nell Carter. She says she will "drop him like a stone," and that his co-workers feel he's "so lovesick he's starting to curdle." Elaine says, "It's true. You used to be taller." Hee. Nell says, "Either he needs to go to love, or love needs to go to him."

Frank is on the stand. He says he was "sent to [his] room" a lot as a kid. So he got the idea to jump, or "fly." He dreamed "of just flying away" from the sound of his parents fighting, "when music couldn't drown it out." As he talks on the stand, Ally flashes back to when she was a little girl and her parents fought, and she would fly out her window and all around the city, at night. Thank god I can drink for this, since it's a lot of aerial shots of a little girl on a blue screen with a night sky behind her. Oh man, ever see the movie Half Baked? There are some great flying sequences in there. A rottweiler even flies. It's pretty genius. This, however, not so much. Frank testifies on the stand about flying, thus escaping the sound of his domestic troubles, and we get a kid Ally, on the "adorable" level of a Welch's grape juice pitch-kid, "zooming" around a night sky, giggling like Lois Lane. Like, what the fuck ever. Albert Hall, the judge, is all, hello? The trial? Ally is in a reverie. Anyway, Frank feels compelled to return to his childhood home to jump from the window and fly across a nearby river, to break a cycle of failure, or something like that. Because he has to prove to himself that he can fly. His parents used to say he was "off," but if he can accomplish clearing the river, he'll not be off, or something like that.

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Ally McBeal

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