Ally McBeal
Out In The Cold

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Out In The Cold

The lawyers are at their meeting table and Renee's there, too, wearing three of those little flower barrettes from Wal-Mart. Nice try, Renee, but I still think you need a new style. Richard and Ling are asking why Ling should testify at the probable-cause hearing. Richard's eating something covered with powdered sugar. "You brought me you want my advice or not?" asks Renee. "Not," says Richard. Ha. He explains, "We brought you in because you used to be a DA, Renee. We were hoping maybe you licked this prosecutor's tonsils at an office party and you'd have some kind of know..." Everyone sighs. Renee says good-bye and gets ready to peel out. "Renee..." says John. "What'd I say?" says Richard. Nelle asks Renee why Ling should testify. Renee says blah blah no real free discovery. Okay. Richard says that Ling will testify, then, because they have to shut this thing down fast. They can't have this hanging over their heads, "an associate running a brothel," everything this firm stands for will be compromised. Renee hears this and is like "whatever!" She laughs and says, "He used to have sex with call girls," indicating John. John coughs on his pastry and blows powdered sugar all over Richard. HA, physical comedy! Love it. Everyone gasps again and Nelle goes, "Excuse me?" Richard says, "That is SUCH a major bygone!" Nelle won't let go; she has on her passive-aggressive super smile. John explains that the call-girl incident was "before [he] knew [his] character." Nelle asks to be excused again and huffs away. John thanks Renee sarcastically. Renee and Ling are amused, and so is the oboe. Me, too, actually. See how well the scenes go when Ally's not in them? But y'all already knew that.

Meanwhile, back at the diner (SIGH)'s ascertained by Ally that Louis doesn't choose to be homeless. So he SAYS. He made bad financial decisions, went bankrupt, blah blah. Oh, but Louis doesn't strike Ally as a "wacko." Because Ally knows from wackos, you see. Louis has suffered from some "manic-depressive problems," he says. Okay...check this out. He says he was once haunted by The Pips. "Doo-doo-doo-doo-DOOOO!" goes the music, and Ally is awakened from the near-stupor she falls into every time the topic turns from her problems. Blah. Blah. Blah. Here comes the Al Green confession. Time-out, though...I have a public service announcement to make: HALLUCINATIONS ARE NOT A SYMPTOM OF MANIC-DEPRESSION. Carry on. Ally says that she almost took Prozac to try to get rid of Al Green, but she eventually "shook him without medication." Oh, she did? When was this? I mean, not like I'm saying that Prozac would have cured a person of HALLUCINATIONS, but I just didn't realize that Ally was over that. Good for her. Maybe she can write a self-help book and get rich. Every other know-nothing in the world is doing it. Ally leans forward, feels up her lower lip, and lays upon Louis her rationalization. The two of them are better off than all the "corporate drones" out there because they have the "capacity" to hallucinate R&B celebrities. There's no music in their lives! But there's music in Louis's life...and Ally's, too! The piano plays as Louis thinks, "This crazy bitch. I want her!" Then he says some crap about Ally being sad because she has no time to "let it live." Okey, dokey. Whatever-the-helly. Ally bangs her head on the table.

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Ally McBeal




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