Ally McBeal
Out In The Cold

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Out In The Cold

Meanwhile, Louis is wearing a rust tie, rust shirt, and black overcoat with his white/rust/black scarf. Keep this in mind, okay? He tells her that he's an insurance agent, he has a client on the 6th floor of the building, and he lives "in the North End." His book is "a treatise on homeless subculture in urban America." Ooh. Deep. Not at all overdone...He never meant to deceive anybody; he's sorry. Lip-picking as Ally asks how long he'd planned to keep up the charade. "Ally, we had no plans to ever see each other again," Louis points out. BUSTED! Louis says that she actually skewed the whole premise of his book. Ally asks if the things he said to her were part of a script. Yeah, Ally. It was part of a script. You'd make a great improv player. Louis says he really saw those things in her, though. He says he guesses it takes one to know one. "So you were never haunted by The Pips?" asks Ally wistfully. "Wish I was," says Louis perfunctorily. Ally is downcast. Louis is jealous that she really saw Al Green, because there's still hope for her. He walks away. Ally says his name and asks, "One more cup of coffee?" Louis says yeah, smiles, and pulls out his net so he can carry his reeled-in fish to the cooler.

Cripes. We're in court and some boy's on the stand. "I couldn't get anyone to date me. Even the fat, ugly girls with facial hair said no," he's saying. WHATEVER. John winces, but it looks like he's wincing because he identifies with the datelessness, not because he's dismayed at such a loser's description of less-attractive girls. "Yes...thank you for that," smarms the prosecutor. Loser Boy tells him that he found out about Ling's escort service through his friends and then he "logged on" to the website. "It worked kind of like pay-per-view," he says. Then he says he paid $175. I don't get it. He paid that much to look at the website? Weird. Oh, but then the prosecutor asked if this sum was paid for the date and the boy says yes. Loser Boy indicates the escort he hired, who's sitting in the courtroom. She's smiling like an understudy for Touched By An Angel. Her name's Leslie. She drove Loser to parties three weekends in a row and "made love" with him after Homecoming. It was in his house, in his room. That's how his mom happened to walk in. The prosecutor asks Marcus the Loser if he paid to have sex with Leslie. Marcus says he can't really be sure. Ling rolls her eyes hard-core. Marcus says that he paid the same $175 for each date, but "it was the third time," and he thought maybe he was "getting an upgrade or something." Ha. Richard makes an enlightened noise. "...like Frequent Flier Miles?" Marcus continues. Nelle squints. Marcus tells everyone that he spent $700 altogether on Leslie, "plus incidentals." He "bought all the protection." Hmm. How much did he think he was going to need? Or did they do it more than once? The prosecutor's done. Ling leans over to John and tells him, "You'd better pick this little bastard to PIECES." John is shocked. Scene over. Oh, wait...I have a question: How many court cases do we need to see involving sex and mirroring John's sex problems? How many times is Nelle going to pity a high-school boy and then transfer that pity to John? Enough already. David E. Kelley, did you have a hard time getting dates in school? Guess what. NO ONE CARES.

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Ally McBeal

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