What the? The hell? She said OKAY? What the HELL? Damn, this show sucks. The Branch-Fish-Cagians haul her away -- all but John and Richard. Richard mists up a bit as he tells John that his closing argument...ran a little long. Ha, ha. Then he says they do have something special, and John says "indeed." Yeah, indeed. You do indeed have a law firm full of rude, hateful people who can't seem to make friends with anyone outside its walls. That is special, if special were now next to "pathetic" in the thesaurus. If I'm ever in the neighborhood and find myself with the urge to pee, I'll chance uremic poisoning as I hurry home.

It's night, so we have to hear Vonda sing. She's singing "Over the Rainbow." Sheesh. The lawyers are McBealing down the sidewalk in a big gang, with Georgia at the fringe because no one really cares about her, after all. Then of course they have to morph into kids for the jillionth time. I would pause the tape and tell you what they look like or what they're wearing, but I can't because I'm too angry, embittered, and bitchy to care. I will say that Ally has mittens, though. I feel sorry for the girl who had to play her.

Next week on Ally McBeal: Richard feels up a bunch of elderly women and Ally wrecks a guy's car in order to hit on him. Ling reveals her secret love or something, shocking Elaine, Nelle, and Ally in the process, so I guess we can expect more fake lesbianism for sweeps. Calgon, take David E. Kelley away! Please!