Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

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767 USERS: C+
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Over The Rainbow

Ling trips Tim in the hall, leaving Ally free to jump into the elevator with Georgia. Ally hits the emergency stop button. Man, I hope she gets arrested when they get out. Georgia points out that she's represented by counsel. Ally says, "Yeah, yeah. What are you doing?" Georgia only shakes her head a little, waiting for the brainwashing. Ally starts babbling about Georgia's filing a lawsuit only because she hates her life. Georgia wimpily argues that the firm does have an influence on them all. She says that two years ago everyone there called Ally "Drooly Andrews," whatever that means. Now Ally can't even go to a car wash without jumping somebody, says Gerbil. Ally makes her trademarked "I can't believe you're speaking to me this way when all I've done is irritate and backstab you!" face. CGI steam comes out of her nose, accompanied by a passive-aggressive giggle. Then she comes out with some supposed-to-be-pithy remark about how two years ago Georgia wasn't one to turn on her friends. True. True. She certainly wasn't one to keep her friends from fawning on her husband. But what was the point of bringing that up? Georgia does the gritty smile while pouty Ally re-starts the elevator. Georgia, you are so lame. You had the perfect opportunity to beat the tar out of Ally scot-free, and you WASTED it.

Richard is telling Tim and the judge that all attractive women are sex objects. Then we hear about wattles and knee pits. John objects. His Honor just wants to get through this. Richard reveals that he has a unisex restroom in the office so that "[they] can all go together when [they] go," whatever that means. The soundtrack's cowbell acts like that's amusing.

Back at the office, Billy is disgusted with Richard's performance. Nelle says they need to put John on the stand. John stutters. Richard can't understand what he did wrong. Elaine is turned on.

John sits on the stand and can't understand how a unisex "bathroom" and one lascivious senior partner are responsible for Billy driving away his own wife. "One lascivious senior partner?" hones in Tim, who then OF COURSE asks if John's ever hired a call girl. On the one hand, this case is completely ridiculous. On the other, so are all the others on this show. John glares at Georgia lividly, as if the call girl info was some huge secret that only an evil, man-hating bitch would have spilled. Then Tim asks about John's spanking Nelle with a hairbrush. He refers to Nelle as "that young blonde thing over there." Nelle makes a face like "D'oh!" instead of like "Someone please object to this man's language." John leans forward and squishes his cheeks with his fists in a way that's supposed to be funny, the oboe tells me. It's not, though. It really isn't funny, or watchable.

Ally McBeal

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