Ally McBeal
Over The Rainbow

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Over The Rainbow

Back at the office, Billy is disgusted with Richard's performance. Nelle says they need to put John on the stand. John stutters. Richard can't understand what he did wrong. Elaine is turned on.

John sits on the stand and can't understand how a unisex "bathroom" and one lascivious senior partner are responsible for Billy driving away his own wife. "One lascivious senior partner?" hones in Tim, who then OF COURSE asks if John's ever hired a call girl. On the one hand, this case is completely ridiculous. On the other, so are all the others on this show. John glares at Georgia lividly, as if the call girl info was some huge secret that only an evil, man-hating bitch would have spilled. Then Tim asks about John's spanking Nelle with a hairbrush. He refers to Nelle as "that young blonde thing over there." Nelle makes a face like "D'oh!" instead of like "Someone please object to this man's language." John leans forward and squishes his cheeks with his fists in a way that's supposed to be funny, the oboe tells me. It's not, though. It really isn't funny, or watchable.

I did like Pulp Fiction, and I did like The Sixth Sense, but I wish Bruce Willis would retire. Matthew Perry doesn't even need to begin a movie career, much less quit one. That's why the commercial for The Whole Nine Yards doesn't do its job, as far as I'm concerned.

Georgia is being sad in her office. Renee walks in wearing a tight t-shirt and some sort of necklace with a huge feather for a pendant. I think I understand what's going on, here. Renee and Whipper have borrowed Fish & Cage's "alternating casual dress days" policy. Georgia reminds Renee of her promise to "stay out of it." Renee STILL, after all this time, thinks her baby voice is cute as she says, "These people are your friends." Quit it, Renee. Pamie's had a hard week and she doesn't deserve this. Georgia systematically describes the decidedly un-friend-like behavior of each of her former coworkers. I'm glad she's able to keep it in mind. Renee has no response.

The piano tinkles and Vonda rasps about "the way he walks" and "shuffles his feet." The Annoying Ones are sitting at their table hashing over the case. I guess this is the "life" Billy spoke of them hurrying to after each work day. Ling is enjoying the trial. Nelle isn't surprised. Ally "just can't believe she's actually making a case of it." Oh, shut up, Ally. Oh, here's an idea! Replace Ally with Ruthie from 7th Heaven! That way the supposed protagonist still wouldn't be cute, but she'd dress better. Richard asks if John's "doing direct," but John's still making his squished face and refuses to talk. Oh, so what? Nelle tells Billy he needs to try to "come off reasonable" and seem sensitive to Georgia. Billy's ready, shoving food into his face. Just ask him the questions, he says. Here's some new math for you: food in face = wacky pig behavior to follow. Ally has a bad feeling, and it's not just because she looks like a clown.

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Ally McBeal

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