Ally is still in the Uni, still unsure about what to do about Jackie Bisset and her fiancé. Richard thinks that Ally should tell Jackie her boy's a player, and send her into Richard's arms. As Ally turns into the mirror, sighing, she sees the little boy behind her. Another fucking hallucination.
John interrogates Nell Carter. Why, exactly, did she have to tell Kimmy Bishop that there was "no match on the planet" for her? Because Nell is aware of "less reputable matchmakers" that might try to take Kimmy's money, in spite of the facts. Heh. John asks Miss Pumple if she might not have been projecting her personal failure onto her client, and repeats, "Miss Pumple." Nell Carter tells the judge she doesn't "like the way he keeps punching [her] name." Hee! I wonder if that line was improvised. Nell asks John to look behind him and see the people who are there to bear witness to the fact that she does her job well, since they all came to her with the same question. John takes the bait: what was the question? Nell bursts into song: "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! Find me a find, catch me a catch!" Um, that isn't a question. It's a song. From Fiddler on the Roof. But whatever. Nell tells the judge that this song is the matchmaking agency's "theme," and that they sing it at their "reunions, of which there are many." The assembled people in the court start singing lines of the song. There's interracial couples, gay couples, Kimmy even takes a line. Corretta puts her head in her hands. Corretta? A little whiskey, I promise, will take the edge right off. I promise.
Ally is begging Elaine to try to seduce Jackie's Young Snake. Elaine "doesn't feel right" about it. Oh, PLEASE! Since WHEN does Elaine have scruples?! When does she not want to stir things up, or fool around with a guy? The elevators ding, Young Snake steps off, and Ally reminds Elaine that the snake digs "sophistication." So Elaine switches on her spinning bra, and lets that work its magic. Young Snake is all, WTF? So Ally takes him into her office to do the dirty job herself. FINALLY. Elaine shoots after them, "Too subtle?" Heh.
Ally is the clumsiest seducer ever. She stands in the doorway and fiddles with a plant and says maybe Young Snake was interested in her "sexual...ly," and that if he wants to "dip his pen in the inkwell," she'd be fine with "being that ink." Okay? He gets it, but says he's not interested in dipping his quill in ink or anything else of that nature, and makes to leave. Oh, and if Ally "wants something more" than a pen-and-ink party? "Like, a little affair?" Young Snake is down for that. Ally stammers and says she'll give it some thought. The music, for whatever reason, is ominous. Jesus. Ally closes the door behind him and icks out. Christ, didn't she kiss Billy when he was married to Georgia? People. Cheat. If it didn't make the music get ominous then, it shouldn't now. What is ominous music doing on this show, anyway? The Sopranos is that way.