Jenny and her mom are in the bar. Vonda sings "The Worst That Could Happen." Jackie Bisset does exactly what I would do, which is to knock back her glass of wine in one gulp. Jenny -- who has the emotional maturity of a clementine -- is all, ew, ew, ick, mom, open marriage, affairs? Ew. Marriage is two people, til death them do part. Jackie, pragmatic as hell, is all, "What about my happiness?" She adds that she values her independence. She also says that "men annoy [her]." So, she does the open thing. Jenny says, ick, ick, ew. Can there never be a balance on this show? And could Vonda emote any harder?

Okay, Corretta's surprise witness? Is Mariah Carey. This is what we've been waiting for, supposedly. She says Nell tried to fix her up and failed, and also said hurtful things about her. Nell's lawyer steps up. Doesn't Mariah love the spotlight? As in, she travels with a spotlight and technician at all times? And would she like to be lit up right now? Mariah demurs, and then says she would. The spotlight goes on. Mariah beams. She even turns the left side of her face to the camera so that she can smile at the judge. Wow, I've never seen that side! She does look like Richard Nixon from that angle! The crickets chirp. Because no one cares. But, I will totally watch the Cribs episode with Mariah. The girl is nuttier than a Chunky bar, and I want to see her sit in the tub with a towel on. This maybe-a-minute-long scene was lame, but I want to see crazy.

John yells at Corretta for providing such a wacky witness. They yell. Is this show really supposed to be a comedy? I don't see it.

Ally and John are in the bar. Vonda begins to sing "Last Chance For Love." Ally is all, "I can't believe that she's singing that song!" Because it's such a total shout-out to Ally, and Ally, the center of the universe, hardly ever gets the attention she deserves. John makes a face, like, oh, what I was saying didn't matter. Ally grabs him and demands that they dance. Vonda zooms between keys as she bleats her way through the song. Choose one, singer lady, and stick to it. Ally dances like a dosed marionette, or like Elmo having a seizure. John tries to keep up, but soon the dance floor is cleared, leaving Ally to flail her limbs all by herself. The song ends, and Ally socks John, who's heaving and panting at the bar, waiting for her to finish up. What-the-fuck-EVER. This is the worst episode of this show I think I've ever seen, let alone recapped.