Previously on Ally McBeal: The freaks lost their lawsuit against Mr. Schoefield and Billy was a gigantic ass.
John is walking around his office barefoot, muttering to himself with his trousers rolled up, but he's not eating any peaches. Meanwhile, Matthew the cross-dresser from the last new episode, is walking around looking for him. John opens his door, sees Matthew, and screams. Matthew screams. Scream, scream. Then they yell accusatorily at each other until the cross-dresser calls John a little bug. John does his smile therapy quirk. Matthew apologizes and then cuts to the chase: Mr. Schoefield was stabbed to death in his bed, and Paul Potts is the prime suspect. Y'all will remember that Paul is the guy with OCD who couldn't stop clapping in the last ep. I'm so glad they're bringing him back, because I just didn't get enough of the "freaks" the last time.
John and the Matthew visit Paul in his jail cell. Through much verbal-ticking, Paul relates that he's innocent and that he was at the movies with Benny at the time of the murder. You will remember that Benny is the freak who wore a bow tie and whose face allegedly scared children. John agrees to help Paul and looks fraught. Cut to opening credits.
Return to Me, starring Minnie Driver and David Duchovny, looks lame.
Back at Fish & Cage, Richard is begging John to let him work on Paul's case. He always wanted to do a murder case. John starts stuttering. Ally runs into the room and falls down in her hurry to beg to work on the murder case. Calista Flockhart can't refrain from smirking during this scene. Matthew is standing there watching all of this. Ally asks if he's the suspect. Matthew is offended and Ally snarls at him. I guess John charges extra-low fees, because otherwise, I can't see why any client would put up with this sort of treatment. John says that Richard will be second chair and Ally will be third. They bicker about that as unprofessionally as possible. Billy emerges from his office and hallucinates that Matthew is Roshumba Williams in an ill-fitting sundress. The yelling lawyers run off and Billy approaches Roshumba as angelic synthetic music plays. "Excuse me," he says. "Yeah?" rejoins Roshumba, heaving her bosom. Billy introduces himself and asks if anyone's ever told Roshumba/Matthew that she's the most beautiful woman in the world. Roshumba laughs and says in Matthew's voice, "I get it every now and again." Then she becomes Matthew again, to Billy's horror. "You got anything else you wanna say to me?" loud-talks Matt. Billy runs off into an office. He leans against the closed door and gasps for breath. Nelle asks what he's doing. "Nelle, why are you in my..." Billy starts to ask. Then he realizes that he's in her office. Nelle makes "whatever" faces at him while he mumbles and leaves. Hmm. I wonder if there's anything wrong with Billy. He's acting very strange. I hope he's not getting killed off this season with a brain tumor or anything. Oh, wait...actually, I don't hope that at all.