The sad piano carries over to a shot of Billy's sad face. Sandy bursts in, asking him whether he really wants to "do this." He does. She's all giddy, laying down ground rules. No making out in the office. No unprofessional behavior. No lying. No asking her to do his laundry. "No Palmer girls." No physical contact in this office! She has to keep repeating that last one as Sir Smirk-A-Lot slithers up to her. He starts saying he'd do nothing to jeopardize her career and that he respects her. Then he dips her as they kiss. Naturally, Richard and John open the door at that moment. John stutters. Richard says, "Oh, excellent. She'll sue. Excellent." Ha! They withdraw. Sandy says to Billy, "Great. It's already out in the open." Billy gives her his shit-eating grin, says, "Yeah," and they go back to making out. Big whatever.
Ally pines in the Unisex. Nelle smiles at her and washes her own hands. Richard walks in and asks Nelle if she's met any cute custodians lately. He gets icy silence. Nelle leaves. Richard asks Ally if she's okay. Ally says, "Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm saving up tons of money, here. I get paid a lawyer's salary to hang out in the restroom. I entertain personal acquaintances in my office. I sing and dance. And I don't even have to spend my paycheck on nice clothes! I can wear stuff I bought by the pound from the thrift store! I've got my retirement on my own tropical island all planned out, baby. You know I'm doin' all right!" Oh, wait. Sorry. She doesn't say that. She says, "Fine." Richard helps himself to a slice of her business. Ally tells him that her fear came from ignorance. Richard tells her that men have urges and cheat. He asks her to imagine if Clinton were bi: "It could have been Linda Tripp under that desk." Oh, ha, ha. He should have thrown in Janet Reno's name, too, because those jokes will never, ever, EVER get stale. Ally realizes that she was guilty of the same bigotry characteristic of Richard and because of that, she "let a good man get away." Cough-loser-cough! Cough-Rules-Girl-cough! Richard asks if it's too late. Ally brightens, saying it isn't. She sets out to rope in a diamond. Richard gives me a sweet smile. Then he turns to the mirror and digs in his teeth. Oh, well.
John is cleaning his office. He tells Nelle, who came in to talk, that his cleaning would probably be a turn-off to her. No, John, but your constant bitching would be one to me. Nelle gratuitously activates the remotes John invented for her heels and her hair, telling him he's weird. She points out that she puts up with a lot of his quirks, and that he rewards her by calling her intolerant. He asks if she'd date him if he didn't have money. "Of course!" she says, but she never would have been attracted to him if he weren't successful. He says that's what bothers him. "Well, then, you're a dweeb," Nelle says. D'oh! She reminds him that he was a dweeb in high school and became successful in order to show up the popular kids. She says that he can't handle the success or its accompanying popularity now that he has them. If he wants to be embraced for who he used to be, he should "go back to being the dweeb he was in high school." She tries to make an emphatic exit after that, but he works the high-heel remote, causing her to stumble. Whatever.