Ally McBeal
Queen Bee

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Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
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Queen Bee...otch

Courtroom. Sydney wears a skanky red dress and testifies that she does, in fact, run her company like a beehive. She talks about using the desire to copulate as an inducement for getting the most work out of her drones. As lochia reminded us, drones are the male bees that wait around until it's time to impregnate the queen. They don't do any work. This reminds me of the stupid toilet paper commercial in which tiny cartoon women were talking about how great their quilted toilet paper was while they worked on it with knitting needles. Later, after the haute monde that is the needleworking set had expressed its scorn, the animation was changed. It now shows the women quilting the toilet paper with huge sewing needles that they improperly hold as if they were knitting needles. That's the sort of thing that will keep textile crafters from purchasing certain brands of toilet paper, and that's the sort of thing that will keep beekeepers from enjoying Ally McBeal, as far as I'm concerned. Mark my words. John goes on to ask Sydney about her "power." She says some crap about having a pheromone, just like a queen bee, and that it "motivates the drone, knowing he might be able to offer his spermatozoa to the queen." She tells opposing counsel that she advises prospective employees not to take the job unless they're prepared to want her.

Sydney rides the elevator to Fish & Cage with Fish and Cage, removing something from her mouth and putting it in Richard's hand while they wait. He saves whatever it is. John nervously stares at Sydney. "I have to use the little boys' room," Sydney says when the door opens. Larry walks by and she uses the Reverbo Voice on him. Ally yanks him away and makes a goofy, watered-down version of Ling's growling noise. Then Ling herself walks up and finds her way blocked by Sydney. They do the right-of-way dance for a while and then Sydney smirkingly lets Ling go. How annoying she is. I can't stand women who base their self-worth upon their ability to steal sexual attention from other women. Especially when women like this constantly employ some other woman to sing, "Love is alive! Love is alive, yeah!" in the background.

Office. John and Richard ponder the highly desirable enigma that is Sydney Gale. John overdramatizes his impulse to "ravage" her. He forcefully begs Richard not to let him "succumb."

Nelle, Jackson, Lisa Knowles, Rev. Newman, Buttons, and some unknown woman confer in the conference room. Lisa says that, as the music supah-visor, she has the right to choose whatever songs she wants. Nelle says, of Rev. Newman, "Now that he's dating again..." and the unknown woman says, "Can I stop you right there? 'Cause that's a violation right there -- his dating again." I have just decided that this portion of the show is to be the Transcribed Dialogue of the Week.

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Ally McBeal

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