Ally McBeal
Queen Bee

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
Queen Bee...otch

Courtroom. One of Sydney's employees testifies that servicing Sydney is more emotionally healthy than busting ass for some corporate entity. He tells how he completed some project successfully and was given the opportunity to offer his spermatozoa to Queen Sydney. That was the one time he had sex with her. It's supposed to be funny, but of course it comes off nauseating instead.

In his church, Rev. Newman sermonizes about brothers and sisters distorting the law to get what they want instead of following His Law. Nelle and Jackson listen with trepidation. Lisa gets up and sings a song about feeling so blue. There ain't nothing she can say and nothing she can do. She has to make it right for everyone concerned, even if it's her what's gettin' burned. "I wish I didn't love you so!" her chorus says. I note that PaulW was right when he said in the forum that Jennifer Holliday makes some scary fucking faces when she sings. After several of said faces, Lisa shakes her head and then shakes her booty on down the aisle, out of the church, while the choir continues to sing.

Office. John carps that he's become a drone. Richard wisecracks that a synonym for "drone" is "husband." Sydney walks in and John does his girly scream. Sydney's just Reverbo-aching to find out what would happen if John lost control. Richard leaves the room and Sydney slams the door behind him. "Hi," she says to John in her special, sexy, reverberating, masculine voice. I think it would be more enticing if she made that noise that the Dodge Neons make on their commercials. You know -- they go "bling" and it says "Hi" on the screen below and you think, "Aw! How cute! I'm going to close down my 401K and buy one of those talking cars right now!" Well, I'd spend some money on Christine Lahti if she could make that noise and make the word "hi" appear in my mind.

Just kidding.

Nelle and Mrs. Parks enter the emptied church. "You talked to her ex-party," says Mrs. Parks. "The word is parte," Nelle replies. "It's Latin. Party is something you do with a balloon." "Ohhh...that's a fat, dumb joke combined," says Mrs. Parks. Lisa shows up and asks what Nelle wants. Nelle, in her super-ugly puce and white coat, kindly suggests that Lisa get counseling. She says that Lisa can cry and express pain, but not in the workplace. "Why?" hisses Lisa.

"Because, in the workplace, we have rules," says the lawyer for the plaintiff in Sydney's case, addressing the jury. He says that sexual expression is against the law when it becomes oppressive in the American workplace.

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Ally McBeal




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