Ally McBeal
Queen Bee

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Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
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Queen Bee...otch

Just when I was seriously starting to worry about the fate of sexuality in the workplace under the Stars and Bars, the jury finds for Sydney Gale. Yee haw. I was afraid the actual law would prevail or something. Richard wants to celebrate with a little wine and a little toe. Sydney turns to John and lifts him by his neck again to receive her kiss. "Love is alive! Love is alive, yeah!" we hear for the zillionth time, but now it's leading into a scene at the bar.

"My heart is on fire. My soul's like a wheel that's turning," sing Vonda and her Taylor-Dayne-looking counterpart as viewers all over MBTV try to remember who sings that song. I guessed Peter Frampton or Steve Winwood, but I was wrong. G-force has confirmed that it's Gary Somebody-or-Other, and G-force would know. Vonda's Little Helper (the ending credits call her merely "Anastacia") looks like these $7 Barbie doll rip-offs that I used to get from the flea market. I have a couple on the bookshelf behind me. They both have long, over-processed hair and painted faces. They both wear cheap, funky clothes and glasses. I wonder if Anastacia was made in Mexico, too. While she sings, Sydney does The Dance of the Woolen Muffler with some guy on the dance floor. Jackson gawks. Ling and Nelle ostracize him. Richard and John watch Sydney and discuss the negative ramifications for mankind if all women were to explore their own sexual power. More and more men swarm around Sydney as the buzzing sound plays, just to be sure. Lesson learned: ladies, if we would just wear skanky dresses and tell strangers to lick us, we could all rule the world.

Next week: "the most emotional event of the season" occurs between Larry and Ally. I didn't catch what it was, exactly, though. Next week, when they tell us again, I'll try to have my solitaire game wrapped up ahead of time.

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Ally McBeal

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