Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
804 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Tic Tock People

Outside the office, Mark tells Ally that he doesn't like Jackson Duper because Elaine hasn't stopped sweating since he started working there. We see Elaine sweating incredibly profusely as the "Oh, this show is so freaking cute!" music plays. My esophagus hurts from the strain of holding down bile.

Reverend Compton explains to the court what an areola is and how he came to see Marcia Hooper's. Marcia is Clayton's wife. She showed the minister her breast, and he responded by licking it. "What type of a minister are you?" Jackson asks him. "Your Honor, this is wack!" Jackson then tells Judge Walsh. "God made man weak," explains Reverend Compton. Jackson tries to do the hilariously-put-upon-attorney act, saying something about "thou shalt not lick the bride's left nipple." It falls flat and Judge Walsh bangs his gavel for no good reason.

Ally tells Nelle and Mark about her Manilow hallucinations. We see a shot of her back. Her pants are so tight that we can see the wrinkles of the shirt that she's tucked into them. It isn't pretty, buttock contour or no. Mark, at a new desk-with-computer-in-the-lobby set, talks about friends of his that met with a "ghost specialist." The ghost specialist told his friends to confront their ghosts aggressively. Why is Mark at a desk in the lobby and not in his office with the dentist's chair and the full-length mirror? Why is everyone calling Barry Manilow a ghost? Nelle makes some ridiculous comparison between ghosts and men. Sweaty Elaine walks up and informs Ally that Larry's on the phone. Melanie comes off the elevator in a mink and screams her ass off, scaring Elaine. Comedic music plays but I haven't laughed once all season.

Melanie finds John and Richard hanging from their bars in one of the offices. John does an elaborate dismount. Melanie says she likes gymnastics, too. John asks Richard to leave. Richard can't get off the bar. Melanie unzips Richard's pants. He does a lame dismount and exits the room. WHATEVER. Melanie babbles more about why she doesn't want to get married. "How ridiculous," John says. Yeah, really. He babbles about the capacity to love and some other stuff. I go to bed, wake up, get ready for work, go to work until late evening, gossip with a co-worker for an hour, and then drive back to my apartment. John is still babbling. Melanie says, "Poop." John asks her not to reject the idea that two people can make a marriage work. "I've just never seen it," says Melanie. Yeah, me neither, come to think of it.

Ally McBeal

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP