At The Bar, the Vondettes vamp through the opening bars of "It's a Miracle." Then the spotlight shines on Barry Manilow at the piano. It turns out that Ling got him to appear at The Bar for Melanie. Jealous Nelle hisses that she got Barry White to play the year before. John, Melanie, Ling, and Richard get up to dance. Ally and Renee enter the bar. "Now this has gone far enough," Ally grits. She stomps up to the stage, saying that she's going to knock out Barry Manilow. She swings wildly at his head, causing the music to stop. "Oh, uh, uh...oopsie," annoying-as-hell Ally titters. "Are you for real?" she asks Manilow. "Are you? Lady, if you want the mike that badly, ask for it," says Barry. Whatever. He cues the music and hands Ally the microphone. She pretends that she doesn't want to sing. Then she puts a big Billy Idol sneer on her face in time to catch the first measure. Her voice is weak and thin-bodied as she belts and shimmies. Jackson stares and then smiles resignedly as Ally does her Jerky Dance and grinds her ass again Barry Manilow's pelvis. Then Jackson catches Renee's eye and they share a secret smile of foreshadowing.

Back at her apartment, Ally plays with her hair, rubs her face, and talks to Larry on the phone. Renee walks in and informs Ally that she wants to get with Jackson. "You bide your time, Renee," says Ally. Whatever. Renee goes to bed. We get to watch Ally make a bunch of faces while Vonda sings. Then we see Ling stare at Jackson while dancing with Richard. Then we see John and Melanie slow dance in the Toilet Room. Then we see Ally dance with a pillow in a way that's supposed to be sultry but which comes off as totally icky and goofy instead. Shut up, everybody on the whole stupid show.

Next week: John and Richard fight. John and Melanie tic. Mark breaks up with Elaine and Jackson hits on Ling. Also, Ling wears a revealing tuxedo-shirt-type top that unfortunately reminds me of Flashdance. What a feeling.