Ally McBeal
Reach Out And Touch

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Tic Tock People

"It's tough, huh?" John tells Ally in her office. They talk about difficulties with Valentine's Day and long-distance relationships. Ally suddenly tells John that she can't handle the annulment case she was supposed to try that day. She dumps a bunch of files into John's hands and tells him to take the case for her because she's been hallucinating. What? She's not going to go into court and hallucinate there? How disappointing. How unlike her.

Ally, Richard, Ling, and John meet in another office. At first, Richard is upset that Ally's trying to dump her case on John. Then Ally says, "Barry Manilow," and he immediately gives the case to Ling. Hardy har, so hilarious. On her lapel, Ling wears one of those big fake flowers that are all the rage in Hollywood but nowhere else. Richard says that Ling will be assisted by Jackson Duper. Ally does some weird stumbling attempt at physical comedy as she leaves the office. I think it'd be cool if Ally could only mime for the rest of the season.

Melanie bends over in front of John, displaying her Wonderbra'd décolletage and grody rhinestone bow necklace. "I love Barry Manilow!" she says. She also makes a barking noise. Shut up, Melanie. John says that he loves Barry, too. Melanie accuses him of making fun of her and says, "Poop." John tells her to cover her mouth when she tics, as if she's coughing. She then yells the word poop. More Manilow raptures and tics occur. John says he's ready to share "something big" with Melanie. Why do I just know that it involves a remote control?

Ally and Jackson meet with "Clayton." Clayton, in his purple satin tie, explains that he married a nymphomaniac. He's suing the minister who married them because the minister slept with the nymphomaniac wife. Whatever, whatever. Ling walks in and double-takes a look at Jackson. "What are you doing here?" she says. He works here. "You're Jackson Duper?" she asks, and then walks out of the office. The man whose name she questioned follows her. "So, Jackson Duper, you don't tell a woman your real name?" Ling asks him. Huh? Whatever. Lame plot contrivance ahead! We learn that Jackson Duper had sex with Ling but didn't tell her his real name. We never find out why, though. I mean, I guess the writers wanted to explain the fact that Ling slept with this guy, but didn't recognize his name when Richard first mentioned it. I think part of the explanation fell on the cutting-room floor, though. Why did Jackson give Ling an alias? I have to assume that it was because "Jackson Duper" is such an embarrassing name.

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Ally McBeal

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