Ally McBeal
Reach Out And Touch

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Tic Tock People

Ally tells Nelle and Mark about her Manilow hallucinations. We see a shot of her back. Her pants are so tight that we can see the wrinkles of the shirt that she's tucked into them. It isn't pretty, buttock contour or no. Mark, at a new desk-with-computer-in-the-lobby set, talks about friends of his that met with a "ghost specialist." The ghost specialist told his friends to confront their ghosts aggressively. Why is Mark at a desk in the lobby and not in his office with the dentist's chair and the full-length mirror? Why is everyone calling Barry Manilow a ghost? Nelle makes some ridiculous comparison between ghosts and men. Sweaty Elaine walks up and informs Ally that Larry's on the phone. Melanie comes off the elevator in a mink and screams her ass off, scaring Elaine. Comedic music plays but I haven't laughed once all season.

Melanie finds John and Richard hanging from their bars in one of the offices. John does an elaborate dismount. Melanie says she likes gymnastics, too. John asks Richard to leave. Richard can't get off the bar. Melanie unzips Richard's pants. He does a lame dismount and exits the room. WHATEVER. Melanie babbles more about why she doesn't want to get married. "How ridiculous," John says. Yeah, really. He babbles about the capacity to love and some other stuff. I go to bed, wake up, get ready for work, go to work until late evening, gossip with a co-worker for an hour, and then drive back to my apartment. John is still babbling. Melanie says, "Poop." John asks her not to reject the idea that two people can make a marriage work. "I've just never seen it," says Melanie. Yeah, me neither, come to think of it.

Jackson enters the Unisex. He is weirded out in turn by Richard, Nelle, John, Elaine, and Melanie. None of it's really funny. Well, it's almost funny when Elaine works her fake breasts and sweats against Jackson. Not so funny that I actually laugh, though. I guess we're supposed to think of Jackson as our Everyman, but I just think of him as another in a long series of unlikable lawyers.

Mrs. Hooper tells the court about her affliction. She loves Clayton Hooper, but finds herself unable to control her sexual urges. Jackson accuses her of fraud, and says that she only wants alimony instead of an annulment. The other lawyer objects to the badgering. Jackson says that the minister was "quite the badger himself." He illustrates this by licking. The licking is punctuated with smacking sounds. The resulting effect is incredibly irritating. Judge Walsh says that Mrs. Hooper was unfaithful one hundred and six times throughout her three-year marriage. "It's a sickness!" whines Mrs. Hooper. The "funny" music plays during a reaction shot of the jury, letting us know that she's going to lose the case. Ling's looking rather hot in this scene, though, I must say. Red is a good color for her.

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Ally McBeal

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