Meanwhile, Ally is telling Elaine that what she has with Mark may be too special for rushed sex. She informs us all that she and Larry dated a month before having sex. Elaine asks how it was with Larry. "It was so incredibly...private," says Ally with her unappealing smile. Rock on, Robert Downey Jr. Way to keep from having to do a sex scene with Calista Flockhart.
In court, a neighbor of Melanie's testifies that she saw Melanie and her boyfriend fighting right before Melanie ran him down. Melanie yells, "Big girl! Hippo!" in another of her sassy tics. The witness just makes a "whatever" face and goes on with her testimony. I guess she's used to assholes yelling stuff at her. You know what's going to happen some day? Some day I'm going to win a one-episode role on Ally McBeal. I'm going to sit around with David E. Kelley, the writers, and the cast. I'm going to say, "You know what would be funny? It'd be hilarious if I just stood in a courtroom and every cast member and extra took turns calling me fat." Then David E. Kelley will say, "Brilliant! That's comedy gold!" The writers will all laugh and say, "It sure is, Mr. Kelley!" while rearranging their testicles through their pants. One of the cast members will reach for a bagel on the table and David E. Kelley will slap her hand with his yardstick. I'll chew my bagel thoughtfully and wait for the real rain to come and wash away the scum of the earth.
The prosecution moves to turn in Melanie's signed confession and close the case. John jumps up and moves to dismiss the case. He makes a bunch of hyperboles and Judge Seymore Walsh yells, "Denied!" John calls Melanie to the stand. The judge says they'll reconvene the next day. Melanie is smiling because John is so cute and funny to her.
At Larry's office, Brandy tells Larry that she doesn't want to talk anymore; she just wants her freaking divorce. He's all Mr. Charming with her and she admits that she would like to dance with her husband. They were Johnny Mathis fans, Brandy says. Larry uses his remote to turn on his Johnny Mathis CD and then gets her to dance with him. Ally walks in and babbles. She is totally dismissive of Brandy's wish to divorce Nicolas, just like everyone else has been. People, she's old -- not incapacitated. Do the jobs you were hired to do and shut the hell up.