Nicolas, Brandy, and Larry sit on the hospital bed and play Scrabble. They say pseudo-nasty words that aren't funny. Nicolas says, "Oh, balls," and I want to sock him in the head, even if he is an old man. Then he implies that he means to retire. He and Brandy hold hands and Brandy tells Larry that the case is over. Larry gratefully lays himself across Brandy's legs.
The jury finds Melanie not guilty. She yelps happily. Ally runs off, telling Melanie and John to discuss the bill. Melanie asks John if they can appeal, so she can have more meetings with him. "Oh, oh...that's an overture," says John. His nose whistles. Ally eavesdrops and squeals annoyingly. John starts to invite Melanie to The Bar, and she kisses him. Oh, how nice. John's gonna screw another client.
Then everyone's at the bar and Vonda's caterwauling again. Nelle and Renee sit and watch. "If this keeps up, you and I are gonna have to be friends," says Nelle. "It'll never come to that," Renee answers. Nelle asks if that's a promise. Check out what Renee says next: "You don't fool me. If I offered you some of my jelly roll, you'd step right up." Okay, was that supposed to be an oral-sex reference or something? Just what does that mean, exactly? Whatever it means, it makes Nelle smile as she replies, "Well, how would you know? You've never offered." Then she looks arch as Renee makes a completely blank face. Whatever. You can do better, Nelle.
Nicolas and Brandy dance in the hospital room.
As they dance, Melanie laughs about how she had to be pushy to get John on a date, and about how he stuttered when he first met her. He tells her to hush, and she bites his ear. You can do better, too, Melanie.
Next week: Ling insults Melanie, and Jamie comes back for a second attempt to board the Larry Train. We're told to come back for this "unforgettable Ally McBeal." I'll be there, all right. This gig fills my closet with Payless shoes and polyester, dammit. I'm holding on until the bitter end.