Ally McBeal
Reasons To Believe

Episode Report Card
Gwen: C- | Grade It Now!
As we learned in Clueless and Cocoon...

The prosecution moves to turn in Melanie's signed confession and close the case. John jumps up and moves to dismiss the case. He makes a bunch of hyperboles and Judge Seymore Walsh yells, "Denied!" John calls Melanie to the stand. The judge says they'll reconvene the next day. Melanie is smiling because John is so cute and funny to her.

At Larry's office, Brandy tells Larry that she doesn't want to talk anymore; she just wants her freaking divorce. He's all Mr. Charming with her and she admits that she would like to dance with her husband. They were Johnny Mathis fans, Brandy says. Larry uses his remote to turn on his Johnny Mathis CD and then gets her to dance with him. Ally walks in and babbles. She is totally dismissive of Brandy's wish to divorce Nicolas, just like everyone else has been. People, she's old -- not incapacitated. Do the jobs you were hired to do and shut the hell up.

In a private meeting with Melanie, John gets her to confess that her boyfriend's death was an accident. She ticked with her foot, accidentally kicked the accelerator, and then backed up because she thought the SUV had stopped on top of her boyfriend's body. Melanie tells this with no remorse whatsoever. She pleads with us to understand that she'd rather be thought of as an angry killer than as a victim of a pathetic twist of fate. She thinks that people would ridicule her if they knew the truth. She would rather go to prison than endure that. I guess we're supposed to feel sorry for her, but I don't. I don't even feel sorry for her dead boyfriend, though, so maybe I'm just too cynical in general. John gives her some feel-good speech and tells her to be honest on the stand.

Richard and Mark dance to "It's Not Unusual" in the Unisex. I love it. Eventually Richard is guiding Mark's pelvic thrusts with his own hands, and then Nelle walks in. Richard reminds her that the Sex Dance was her own idea. Nelle tells the guys that if they really want to turn on a woman, they need to show her respect. Then she goes to void her bodily waste while the men look in the mirror and imagine the voice of Aretha Franklin.

In the conference room, Larry, Brandy, Nicolas, John, and Ally are yakking about the two old folks' divorce case again. We see a long, voiced-over flashback of Nicolas at his retirement party. He stood on his office window ledge and considered jumping off. But then he didn't, so who cares? He tells Brandy that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life "sipping Milk of Magnesia daiquiris" in Florida. He wants to go back to the courtroom because that's where he feels powerful. Brandy says, "Fine. Go back to your courtroom. What a fool I am," and then leaves while the Mournful Violin of Other People's Problems plays. You go, Brandy. Leave his sorry ass. You wasted too many years on him and now it's time to make your own life.

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Ally McBeal




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