Ally McBeal
Seeing Green

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Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
Seeing Green

Billy emerges from a Unisex stall to find Georgia combing her hair and hear her say, "Billy...hey. Collecting a few thoughts or just dropping 'em off?" Yeah, whatever that means. Billy reacts to this stinging putdown by saying, "Now I'm being punished for sharing my feelings." No, Georgia's just sharing hers. She calls him on the Subordinating Ally comment. After cursorily checking the restroom for other inhabitants, he tries to explain, but ends up crying that he's struggling with his own honesty. When Georgia tries to argue, he says he doesn't "have to listen to this." She says blah blah and he says he doesn't want a bimbo, but he also doesn't want "a big, fat, raging feminist, either." Gee, thanks for the shout-out, Billy. Georgia finally gets mad and tells him he's a pig. He says that was why he went to the meeting, but that this is what he gets for talking to her. Georgia yells, "No, THIS is what you get for marrying somebody who can talk back!" as if she's all sassy or something. Oh, but then Billy just shakes his head and says, "Oh, go do your hair, Georgia." Dang. What a total dog. That attitude, that receding hairline, those bland outfits - and he thinks he deserves a sex kitten who can cook? I am -- just --so -- sure! Man! So Georgia can't even cope with this mess. She hauls off and backslaps Billy, and while he's reeling from that, she sidekicks him into the stall door. He falls to the floor with his jacket over his head. Georgia busts out one of her famously lame lines: "Feminine enough?" and peels out. Elaine comes out of her Eavesdropping Stall and rushes to Billy's aid. She pulls him onto his back. He says he's fine but she says he's not getting enough air. She straddles him and puts her mouth on his with visible tongue. Billy's eyes open wide as he wonders why anyone other than those dummies Georgia and Ally would want to kiss his foul mouth.

Rose is admonishing Ally for tossing her pills. She says she ought to put Ally on Xanax just for wasting perfectly good Prozac, and she opens her vest which is lined with pill bottles. HA! The joke just doesn't get old, does it? Ally babbles about Al Green. Rose tells her, "Don't try to romanticize your insanity, either. That's all I need -- another wacko in love with her lunacy." That was almost a good point, Rose. I mean, it's not like Ally's fantasies are helping her bring great art into the world or anything. They don't even help her with her court cases. Ally goes, "YOU'RE the WACKO!" Rose points out that "most patients would kill for that prescription." Hmm. Doesn't that negate one of the important points of this week's message from DEK? That antidepressants are over-prescribed? Ally hisses, "Yes, but you tried to give it to me in suppository form!" Rose goes, "So you could shove it up your ass!" Man, it's funny when senior citizens say bad words! Then she says, "Oh, go pick another theme song, you pissy little thing. I'm through with you!" Hyuk, hyuk! Ally gasps and runs away. She turns to say something at the door, which Rose slams in her face. Rose laments the wasted pills. Then she opens the door to Ally's gaping maw. Then she slams it shut again.

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Ally McBeal




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