Ally McBeal
Seeing Green

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
Seeing Green

It's night time and Ally and John are having a beer on an office balcony. Ally says she doesn't need chemicals, she's getting stronger, she's less afraid of being alone, blah blah. "I don't fit in, John!" she simpers. They clink bottles. Nelle approaches in the background. John tells her there's a rumor at the school that Kirby kissed another girl. So now we know John's in on the local high-school grapevine. Nelle asks him if he's angry. Ally says, "Why, do you want another spanking?" Man, what a rude bitch. Nelle, why didn't you backslap her? John makes his "oh man, I'm in so much trouble thanks to Ally's big freaking mouth!" face. Ally makes her "if I make this pouty fish-lipped face, I'll be forgiven" face and says, "It was a very bad joke!" Nelle overlooks it all, says she was trying to mitigate Kirby's lifetime embarrassment, and asks John to go to the bar with her. John asks Ally to join them. Nelle smiles as if she likes Ally. Ally says, "No...actually, I'm looking forward to walking home solo." Oh, shut up, Ally. Like you don't do that every freaking episode. "Tonight's the night!" she adds all stupidly and unnecessarily. Then Elaine shows up and smirkily informs her that Billy and Georgia are fighting. Ally pretends that she's a self-confident person who doesn't care. Elaine tells how she put her tongue down Billy's esophagus. Ally pretends that she's not jealous. Elaine tells Ally that Billy's probably at the bar alone, generously offering her sloppy seconds. Ally pretends like she thinks Elaine should "go tongue him some more." I can't believe they didn't fit the word penis into this scene. Elaine is flabbergasted and assumes that Ally took the drug. Ally does her goofy faraway face and baby-voices, "No. I didn't." Elaine makes a face of befuddlement. Ally takes her shiny complexion out of there. Elaine continues to muse on the enigma that is Ally McBeal while ally-mcbealing at her own lips. Ally slouches over to a book store's sidewalk sale. Al Green takes her hand and then pays his bills by dancing down the sidewalk with her. Then Vonda sings along, but we don't see her or anything. Al disappears in a cloud of magic sparkle dust while Ally stupidly looks on. Then Ally dances like a scarecrow and continues her Walk Of Many Facial Expressions along the moonlit street. Goodnight, loser! The end. Oh, lord. Next week they're bringing back the Car Wash Guy, and Carrie from Days of Our Lives is suing Ally. I', forget it.

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Ally McBeal




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