Larry is still moving into his new office. Ally's sitting there yakking to him about Brian some more. She asks why she should indict the relationship because of sex. Larry explains that men only get married for the sex. Ally calls him "such a man." Larry smiles and says she already acts like a wife. Ally does her little rapid-fire word-spitting thing that she's wont to do when she's supposed to be turned on. Larry does a rapid, wordy rebuttal that's twenty times more amusing than hers was, albeit as sexist as everything else on this show. The funniest part was, "As you come in here -- looking very much like the women in the magazines, except I don't have the luxury of turning the page --" She tells him he's the biggest ass she's ever met. What -- Billy's forgotten so soon? Larry says, "Perhaps this is where you kiss it goodbye." She stomps out and he wonders what he said. Not enough, buddy. She still wants you.
I'm lingering over the commercials on my video tape because they're so much more amusing and entertaining than Ally McBeal. It's the season premiere and I'm already sick and tired. I've aged a year in the last ten minutes. Why did I say I'd keep recapping this show? It's true that I foresaw the great pleasure I'd take in its eventual cancellation. Can that possibly be worth the hours of my life that have been tainted and lost by this travesty of a program, though?
Ally sits in her office, going on and on to Renee about the man in her life. Renee assumes she's talking about Brian, but Ally was actually fixating on Larry. Renee says that Brian's boring but that Ally should stay with him. Ally indicates that sex with Brian didn't last longer than sixty seconds. Renee concedes that Brian might not be "the one," but then she warns Ally away from a guy who makes her as crazy as Larry apparently does.
Wayne Keebler is on the stand. He says something strange about beans. "...if a couple puts one bean in a jar every time they have sex during the first year of their marriage, and then, for the rest of their marriage, they take a bean out of the jar every time they have sex, the jar will never become empty." Maureen looks like she's mentally digesting this. Either that or she's thinking, "But I only had a few beans in my jar to begin with. This just sucks." John tries to ascertain that Wayne was broke and into dating models when he married Maureen. Wayne claims he did love Maureen when they married, but she pushed him away.