Ally McBeal
Sex, Lies, And Second Thoughts

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Sex, Lies, And Second Thoughts

New feature this fall: completely unnecessary voice-overs by Ally. She does one while sitting in her office, twiddling her pens. In fact, it's a voice-over over a Vonda song. It's something about how her life has no meaning unless she's sharing it with some hapless victim or another. On her desk, Ally has a glass bowl adorned with a single red heart. That makes me think of the comic strip Cathy. I bet it's Ally's favorite. She and Cathy have the same hair. Someone off-screen yells to Elaine, "Hey, we need a few more minutes of tape! You get to be in a scene. Hurry up!" Elaine is in such a rush to catch this opportunity that she doesn't rinse all the conditioner out of her hair. She shows up at Ally's door with a limp, '70s-feathered, Drew Barrymore-looking 'do and a funky red dress. Ally says she was just daydreaming about her future with Brian. Elaine picks up on Ally's lack of excitement at the prospect. She lectures that the good guys are all wearing condoms these days and so it's harder to trap them by getting pregnant. In a poorly executed CGI effect, Ally clicks a remote and causes Elaine to fall through the floor. Then she sarcastically thanks Elaine, who smiles, flips her hair, and leaves.

Maureen is on the witness stand telling John and the court that her marriage had seemed perfect at first. The companionship was great, but the sex wasn't. She didn't even get any on her wedding night. After that, they had sex extremely infrequently because Wayne, her husband, claimed he just didn't have the libido for it. Aside from that, though, everything was "great" until the one fateful day necessitating a flashback. Maureen was off to a health spa in Vermont, but her flight was cancelled. She came back home. As she's telling this, ominous music plays and we get the Maureen's-eye-view through her dining nook, out to the deck and the pool. For a second I think she's going to reveal that her husband has the same fish fetish as Troy McLure. Instead, she finds Wayne and some blonde in the pool with their clothes on. They were kissing and Wayne was cutting a wet t-shirt off of the blonde with a pair of scissors. Okay, first of all: way to get your scissors all rusty, buddy. Second, way to show nipples on Ally McBeal, you guys! A t-shirt in a pool as part of an annulment case -- it's genius! And I thought last season's breast-smothering murder case was good! Maybe next week we can have a lawsuit against a plastic surgeon, and John and Richard can illustrate faulty nipple placement. The possibilities are endless, really. There's no reason not to show breasts every single episode, is there?

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Ally McBeal




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