Renee puts a pencil in Ally's mouth, for some reason, and advises her to hide the jealousy and hang tough. Ally bites through the pencil. PLEASE -- NO MORE OF ALLY'S MOUTH!
At one office or another, John fusses at Richard for his lunchtime vulgarities. Richard is as unapologetic as ever. John informs us that he hasn't yet had sex with Melanie. Then he leaves to watch her read to her students. I don't know why he's doing that. I guess it's so he can establish the fact that Melanie's a teacher.
Lisa comes to Ling's office to express concern. She worries that Randy still has feelings for Ling -- that he's only settling for marriage to Lisa. Ling does her best to be reassuring. She explains that she dumped Randy seven years before, and that he was heartbroken, but that he most likely got over it. Lisa doesn't seem comforted. Gwen wonders why they named her character "Lisa" instead of something that doesn't look and sound like "Ling."
Back at his office, Larry complains that he doesn't want his son living in Canada, which he compares unfavorably to Detroit. ["Uh what?" -- niki] Jamie tells us that the two geographical locations share a border. Thanks for the filler, Jamie. She wants to know if Larry's in love with Ally. Larry says he is. That's the only reason Jamie can see for Larry living in Boston. Well, why did he move over there in the first place, then? Did Ally pull him like a tide, I wonder? Maybe she did, though. She is the most amazing woman on earth, as the writers keep having the characters tell us. Maybe her amazingness is super in nature. Larry asks if Jamie's trying to re-hook-up with him. She claims she's trying to build a sense of family for their son.
John and a bunch of little kids give rapt attention to Melanie as she reads a story about a two-headed girl. John interrupts the story with a totally uncalled-for scream. Melanie reads on. A Nurse Ratched wannabe shows up at the door in time to hear a student scream. John screams again. The woman asks for a word with Melanie, leaving John to monitor the class. I'm so sure -- like any school employee would do that without a criminal history check. Melanie suggests that John tell the kids a story, then runs off to get chewed out by her supervisor. John nervously starts a story about a train. His nose whistles and he stutters. "You're a boring little man," a little girl tells him. John amends that he's meek. "Why are you meek? It's not attractive," says the girl. John says that parents in America cut off the toes of children who aren't meek. The girl screams. "I'm not so boring now, am I, you little snot?" says John. This is hilarious. Maybe he can talk to them about rim jobs next. Melanie returns and informs John that she was just fired. I think she should sue John. It's basically his fault.