Ally McBeal
The Ex-Files

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The Blech Files

Renee sings and sings as Ally pouts down the sidewalk. At The Bar, Nelle tells Richard and Ling that she feels so bad for Ally, even though she doesn't like her. Hey -- that's my line. Ling stares into the distance, presumably mooning over Randy, who isn't even good looking or anything.

Larry leaves messages on Ally's machine from his office. He's sad. Jamie strolls in and wants to know what happened. Larry tells her, "Please just leave. Could you do that? Go to Canada." Now Jamie is sad. "Wow. You really love her," she says. Larry is forced to say, "You and I could never work […] because you're not her." He almost cries as he tells Jamie that Ally is "it." I'm starting to see why this show is so popular among single women. It's a nice fantasy -- that you could always be rude and selfish and still have men crying over you. You'd still have to be thin, though. Don't think you can be the most amazing woman on Earth with any sort of weight on you. Come off it. Character means nothing. Weight is everything. Learn it. Live it. Like it or lump it. David E. Kelley has finally made me see the light. Until my body is only two percent fat, I will never be a success. I will never earn money for showing up at my job and spending the workday whining. I will never have sex with my lawyer or any hot guys on drugs. God -- I mean David E. Kelley-- why does life have to be so hard?

Jamie realizes that the gig is up. She mumbles something about putting off her decision to move to Canada. Then she leaves Larry to mourn the loss of his amazing, skinny love.

At her apartment, Ally watches Fatal Attraction and mutters, "Get him! Get him!" Renee bursts in and tries to convince Ally to give Larry another chance. Ally asks for one good reason to do so. "Because he's standing right here," says Renee. And he is. He's sheepish and Ally is peevishly peeved.

At Fish & Cage, Ling admits to Nelle that she may still have feelings for Randy. They slag Richard and also Melanie as she walks in the room. "Repugnant," John says of Ling. Yeah, he's right. She's not thin enough to be amazing.

Larry and Ally yell at each other. Ally's face is wet as she says that she doesn't have to understand his point of view. Larry bellows that he's never loved anyone as much as he's loved Ally. His hair is disheveled and he looks lost as he embellishes on this point. "Sometimes love isn't enough," says Ally. Larry says something about how it actually is, once you reach a certain age or a certain number of miles or something.

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Ally McBeal

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