Ally McBeal
The Getaway

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
John-a-Tronic And Richard-a-Licious

I hate it when the episode's boring as hell, but there's still enough of a plot that I have to spend time explaining what's going on. Everyone's in court again -- even the prosecuting attorney from the previous trial. The judge dismisses this case, too. Jane is so happy, she wishes that she could repay Fish & Cage in some way. Richard asks whether she can introduce him to Cindy Margolis. No, she can't, but she can accompany them on fun-filled afternoon at Venice Beach while the Beach Boys play! So she does. I think that's Venice Beach, because they're skating. I don't care enough about Los Angeles to know for sure, though. Sorry. It's late afternoon of this everlasting day as Jane and our antiheroes chat at an outdoor café. Long story shorter -- Richard will get Jane out of her two-year contract with her "agent" if she agrees to Hustle with him again. Jane would have danced with Richard whether he gave her free legal aid or not, she says. Woohoo for them, then.

John and Cassandra meet with Cassandra's ex and his lawyer. The snaky L.A. lawyer stereotype babbles for quite a while about contracts and principles. "Shame," he tells John. The bells toll dramatically as John pours water in his special, annoying way. He spits out arguments about fidelity being a "bilateral equation." He compares Cassandra's ex's actions to "a cheap episode of Temptation Island." Wait -- does he mean an episode with a lower budget? Fewer boat rides, maybe? John goes on to say, "I will get you," three times for emphasis. Cassandra's ex's lawyer looks totally busted, like the actor playing him was paid to do. We're supposed to realize that he will settle because John's iron-clad legal eagle-ry has scared him out of doing otherwise.

In some unknown L.A. counterpart to The Bar, some blonde white woman sings while three black women back her up. I suspect that she is Taylor Dayne. If she's not, she might as well be. Richard and Jane dance. Richard slobbers over all the scantily clad women surrounding him. He tells everyone that he's going to show them a new dance. He and Jane start doing the Hustle and before the song's over, the whole bar is doing it in sync. Yeah, like that dance doesn't suck. They should have just done the Macarena. Ai.

John and Cassandra sit on a moonlit balcony somewhere and discuss their case. She explains that she only slept with the hired seducer because he seemed "gentle and honest." She goes on to say, "She hurt you, didn't she -- this Melanie?" Dang...they've known each other for one day and he's already been moaning about Melanie to her? How lame. Cassandra begs John to dance with her. He cranks on some Tony Bennett. Tony sings, "What a difference a day makes." Oh, I get it. Hardy, har! John and his Love Interest O' the Week dance and fade to black.

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Ally McBeal




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