Ally, having no other work to do, has run over to Larry's office to tell him that she's accepted Kimmy's case. He's unperturbed. Ally asks him to tell her what he's thinking and he says, "It's too embarrassing." She presses him, and he comes out with, "I'm really...All right, I'm just gonna say it...For whatever reason, I am really self-conscious about my butt and the way that you stare at it. It could be distracting in the courtroom." Ally promises she won't stare at it. "Gotcha," says Larry. Heh. Ally was so busted. Then he says that it's okay, because he stares at her butt all the time. She wants to know why. Before I can yell something derogatory at the screen, Larry says that he got Ally again. Hee. He's so funny. Too bad he's wasting it on Ally McBeal. He informs her that Kimmy was denied partnership because she's a prude.
John, Ally, and Kimmy confer. Kimmy says that her former employers told her that she was too puritanical to get along with others. John starts up his stupid lip twitching from last week. Kimmy asks what he's doing and Ally fills her in on the bristle story. Kimmy has an eye tic that acts up when she's stressed. She thinks John is cute, like a hamster. I think Kimmy's eye tic is indicative of vision impairment.
Ally bothers Ling in the Unisex. Ling is wearing a really weird white sweater. From the front, it looks like a regular old sleeveless turtleneck from Chadwick's. In the back, it's nothing more than the collar and two spaghetti straps. I guess you could say that it's a handkerchief sweater. Ally brings up the fake lesbian kiss she shared with Ling last season. She wants kissing advice. Ling tells her not to plunge with her tongue. "The key is discipline," she says. John walks in, and Ling grabs his head to demonstrate. She keeps shoving John's head back so she can describe the various maneuvers and motivations. Then she kisses him for several seconds longer than necessary. Her head twists back and forth and her spaghetti strap falls off her shoulder. Richard of course walks in. John's nose whistles throughout. I saw Charlie's Angels twice this week. I hope Lucy Liu can hurry and climb out of this shit hole of a show. Ling shoves John away so that Ally can have a turn. "Hey, I'm not a kissing test dummy!" he yells. "Oh, sure. Now you protest when you have to kiss her," says Ling. Heh. Ally angrily shoves John and he runs out the door. "That's unacceptable!" says Richard. Ling doesn't seem to care. "My movie grossed $75 million last week. You losers can kiss my ass goodbye," we see her thinking.