Then the Victoria's Secret commercial bastardizes the score from BladeRunner and I can't hold back the vomit anymore. That's okay. I was trying to lose weight, anyway. I want to be beautiful and important, like Ally. I thought up a song. I should have sung this last week, during the slumber party, but I wasn't thin enough to think of it in time:
Look at me
I'm Ally McB
Lousy with false modesty
I'll suck on my hand
'Til I snag me a man
I'm beautiful Ally McB!
It's the next morning, and I hate to keep harping on this, but Renee's breasts look bigger than ever. I don't even know how she found a sweater to fit her chest and her waist so snugly at the same time. It must be ninety-eight percent Lycra or something. Ally's going on and on about how disappointed she is about Larry, but I can't pay attention because I keep staring at the inverted triangle that is Renee's torso. She must have had the sweater custom made. Ally says, "I'm a lawyer, I'm independent, I've got the world at my fingertips, and I am woman. And if he doesn't love me, I don't know what I'm gonna do." Hey, I have a suggestion! Oh, forget it.
Richard is still angry with Ling. He claims that women hook up with men because men have money. When Ling goes around kissing other guys, it makes Richard look like he doesn't have money. Ling says that women are attracted to what they don't have. I thought she was going to tell him, "I'm already independently wealthy, idiot," but instead she says, "I have you, honey," and the scene ends. Whatever.
In court, the new, not-really-improved Kimmy is on the stand. Her hair is only loosely pulled back now. She's wearing a blazer over a t-shirt and she speaks languidly. She tells John and the jury that Mr. Peterson discriminated against her because she didn't drink and slap her knee at racy jokes. Larry brings up several instances of Kimmy imposing her conservative values on her coworkers. Her eye starts twitching. We learn that she was arrested for protesting a local showing of The Vagina Monologues. The jury is distracted by Kimmy's tic. I realize that they haven't said "penis" at all so far. It's going to be hard to catch up with "vagina," though. Maybe someone will sue a gynecologist next week.