Ally McBeal
The Last Virgin

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Kimmy the Prude

In the Unisex, Richard dances to imagined James Brown and then to "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer. He can't get his groove on until he thinks of Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual." He spins his jacket and throws it on the floor. Ling's been watching all the while. She emerges from her stall and tells him he's "acting out." Richard tells her their relationship's gone tepid. He wants it hot. Ling makes the growl noise at him and asks if he can handle her hot. "I. Want. It. Hot," he tells her. He knows he's sexy because he drinks $300 bottles of wine and drives a Mercedes. Ling circles him, making more growling noises. Then she pretends to bite his face, just like Eric Knox did to Dylan in Charlie's Angels. "All right, Richard. It'll be hot," she says. Richard looks more frightened than aroused as he goes into a stall for reasons I don't want to guess.

The jury finds in favor of Mr. Peterson. Kimmy admits that it was the right verdict. Then she asks John to have dinner with her, and he accepts. They do their facial tics together.

Ally runs out of the courtroom to find Larry but he's gone. Renee jiggles up just in time to ask her what's wrong. "Billy told me once that I was incapable of ever being happy. Was he right?" she asks. Renee fails to comfort Ally when she points out that Billy also thought his brain tumor was just a headache. Yeah, that was real classy, Renee. Then she says that Ally has something good to lose, meaning Larry. I wish Ally would hurry up and lose him, then, because I feel sorrier for Robert Downey, Jr. every week.

Ally's working late when Larry calls. She chats casually and then says, "Yeah...we should get together sometime. That would be good." Then she tells him goodnight, hangs up, and sulks. Vonda sings some shit about remembering love being an ember. Larry walks in, startling Ally. He used his cell phone, you see. He comments on her "get together sometime" comment and asks if he's expected to just wait around until she "get[s] with the program." He's not afraid of their relationship. Ally tells him that he's only seen the tip of the "neurotic iceberg" and that she's demented. "What else?" he asks. She says she's self-absorbed, vain, and beautiful. Um, Ally, you're on TV. We can see you, you know. She says that she may be incapable of letting herself be loved. Larry's willing to work on that. They kiss. He says, "I think you remember how to do it." Ally burrows in his chest and he holds her tight, all night, feeling so right, etc.

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Ally McBeal




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