Ally McBeal
The Musical, Almost

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The Musical, Almost

John's yelling because apparently Richard's considering rehiring Nelle. John hates Nelle. Richard won't take her back without John's permission. John has a Gratuitous Childhood Trauma Confession and Song. "Johnny the fat boy, isn't he round?" John still can't sing. He says Nelle ridiculed him. Then Nelle walks in, saying, "And what about you?" She gives a speech about John's disapproval of her personality. John tells her to leave. She says John didn't want her in his life -- that she understood that even before he did. She leaves. Who cares?

"I am NOT gonna make love to you," Brian's telling Ally at her apartment. He doesn't want to do Ally because she only wants to do him because she's angry at her father. SICK! Brian says he'll dance with her, instead.

Richard tells John to suck it up. He reveals that he has his own little theme song. He starts monotoning, "You Can't Keep a Good Man Down." John's like, "Could you at least hit a note? Richard, you're tone deaf." Cut to Elaine singing the same song at John's party. Cut to Brian singing it to Ally. He can't sing for shit, either, by the way. Elaine's doing this number in man-drag with three matching dancers behind. John joins in on the mauling of this song. Bridge. Brian and Ally dance. Richard and John dance, and that's actually funny. Bridge is over. Elaine can sing. I like Elaine. Song's over.

Now Brian's ready to do it. Now Ally's not. Ally quotes The Music Man. Brian quotes it, too, getting her all hot. They start singing that "Lida Rose" song. Ally's dad stalks into the apartment and has the sad flashback of himself singing that song with Ally. Wounded, he stalks out again.

Nelle's in her new office doing something with books. John walks in to rehash their issues. Nelle claims she dumped John because he didn't like her. He didn't love Nelle like he loved "her." I guess she's talking about Ally. Or maybe not. Who cares? Randy Newman sings, "I just want you to hurt like I do, honest I do."

Ally's mom meets Ally at the firm library so they can talk about George's reaction. Don't Ally's parents have better things to do? They say all the same things they said at Thanksgiving. Ally mouths off big-time to her mom. It's revealed (again) that Ally and her mom aren't close and that George is the only thing connecting them. Ally acts shocked and hurt all over again. "I'm your daughter. I'm your daughter!" Someone get this idiot some gingko bilboa. Jill Claybourgh leaves. This subplot is unresolved and hence destined to be repeated.

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Ally McBeal

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