John bitches to Richard that he's worried by Cassandra's pursuit of him. Cassandra walks in and John screams. Before leaving the room, Richard fingers Cassandra's wattle and then smells whatever he got from it. Left alone, Cassandra and John have a dull conversation about Melanie and relationship mourning periods. John offers once again to go to lunch.
Courtroom. Melanie testifies that she joined an online dating service because she wanted to find a man who didn't care about looks. She and Douglas emailed each other for six months because they were in love, doing all the things that in-love people do such as liking the same books and cracking jokes and stuff. Then she met him and found out that he was a "little person," and though she knows it's not politically correct, she doesn't want to be with him because of that. She's suing him because she quit her job and spent a lot of money to move from Illinois to Boston in order to be with him. As Ally cross-examines, my closed-captioning calls her "Ms. Meal" instead of Ms. McBeal. Melanie goes on and on about how she and Douglas had planned to walk in through the Boston Common in the spring, holding hands as "two anonymous people in love." Now that she knows he's three feet tall, however, there ain't gonna be no walks in no park. Ally Meal pauses her questioning so that everyone can register their expressions of sympathy. Then she asks whether Melanie even tried going on a date or two with Douglas after meeting him IRL. (In Real Life. See? I'm down with the online-dating lingo. I'm a hep cat.) "No. I could never," Melanie solemnly declares. We see the jury's sympathetic chagrin and the little guy's expression of "I'm not only heartbroken, I'm totally humiliated, too."
Anonymous courthouse room. Ally meets with Douglas and advises him to settle for $10,000. He refuses, saying that he's being sued for "being a little person." I notice that Ally's hair has gotten longer and that it's been combed. Douglas gives us his sob story about how his little father told him that no normal-sized woman would ever love him. This is a lot like Gilbert "Fat, Bald" Richguy's speech in the last episode. However, this one is more obvious in its expression of the Kelley American dream, which is that all men, no matter what they look like, deserve a conventionally attractive female mate. Notice that Gilbert pined for a thin woman, and Douglas hopes for a woman of "normal" size. Would Douglas ever date a dwarf? Could Gilbert be happy with a fat (or bald) woman? Those questions don't even make sense in the context of this show, do they? Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe next week we'll have an episode in which a fat woman sighs because she wants love with a glossy thin woman like everyone else. Then everything will become a blur and my head will swirl too hard for me to complain anymore.