Ally McBeal
The Oddball Parade

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
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The Oddball Parade

Let's see, it's Mardi Gras, and I'm home. That means I'm gonna get drunk and recap Ally McBeal. It's really the only thing that makes sense.

We open to the night skyline. Tina Turner is singing, "Won't somebody please, please tell me what's wrong?"

Dear Tina: You signed up to do an episode of Ally McBeal. Just writing cuz you were wondering. Love, Pamie.

Tina is singing in the bar and the place is in full swing. People are grooving, Tina is wailing. It's all good. So is my Dos Equis, if you were wondering. Kids, don't drink, but when you get older and crabby like Mommy does every top of every other week when it's Ally McBeal time, you'll appreciate a good Mexican brew. Now go do your homework. Mommy's watching her stories so she can bring some money home. Somehow the extras casting call for this episode was "Extras wanted with no rhythm. Must look like you are really trying. Movement optional." I think Scary Spice is singing backup for Tina. Ally and Elaine are having a conversation as they walk into the crowd. A conversation. Like they are standing over the fax machine instead of right in the middle of a Tina Turner concert. Ally and Elaine discuss entering "the contest" which is on Thursday. Turns out Tina is holding a contest for a backup singer. There is a debate about whether or not these women are still called "Ikettes." Tina is trying her best to drown out Ally, but you know the name of the show. Ally asks if Elaine thinks she'll look silly out there or embarrass the firm. Elaine tells her she should ask their senior partners. Cue shot of John and Richard in their own dance space pointing fingers at each other. It's choreography from Footloose, but I guess no one remembers. Ally says that "out of all of the celebrities in the world" she thinks she's the most like Tina Turner. Riiiiight. Elaine gives Ally a look. Ally sees it. Elaine says that when she first saw Ally that's the first thing she thought to herself. "Oh my God, it's Tina Turner." Elaine looks down at Ally's body as if to drive the point home. Ally begins a series of head tics that are meant to convey grooving.

Vonda does her own version of wailing that very rarely causes anyone to get their groove on or inspire them to move mountains. You can drink half of a beer during the theme song without even trying. Just a little trivia for you.

Does anyone else think that Volkswagen commercial with the cars in a circle looks like an eye test?

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Ally McBeal

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