Ally McBeal
The Oddball Parade

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The Oddball Parade

John discusses his troubled childhood where he had friends but then his friends got girls and he didn't. You've heard this before. He's just giving the same monologue to the members of the jury. They bob their heads and write things in their notebooks in unison. He then says it's so wonderful to be an adult now where the grown-ups judge each other on character and you don't get fired as long as you do your work. Not many facts presented in these closing arguments. The defense says that since this is the land of opportunity every person has the right to try to start up their own company and fill it with the people they think will best serve that company. Richard tries to object that the defense's closing arguments are boring. The defense says that these people were fired because they weren't expanding the client base of the company, which was part of their jobs.

Ally has stolen John's big gloves and is beating up the Unisex stall. Nelle walks in and watches Ally. In a cruel costume designer move, they have mocked the fact that Portia always acts with her head cranked over to the right. They have put her in a collared shirt where the collar is over on her left shoulder and the buttons fall down the side of her front. It now appears that as she's talking she's being yanked to the side by an invisible cane. She asks Ally if she can help. Ally yells, "No!" and continues hitting the stall. Nelle says this is the problem with having a night where she pretends to be somebody else because the next day you have to go back "to who [sic] you are and it's devastating." Ally leans back and punches Nelle with the big glove. Nice. Sue her ass, Nelle. Nelle does too extreme of physical comedy to be even remotely considered funny and flails her arms in the air as her mouth jerks open. She whips around and pratfalls on her face as Billy walks in. Nelle jumps up and screeches, "Are you crazy?" "Yesssss," Ally growls, and now she really, really, really, really, really should be fired. Nelle walks off fixing her hair. Billy asks what's going on. Ally is having a temper tantrum. I was beaten and grounded for having one, but she'll just get another paycheck. She tells Billy to go away. Billy asks her what's wrong. "I SAID 'GO AWAY'!" God, I hate Ally. Billy asks what will happen if he doesn't leave; will she hit him too? She promptly does, sending him back into the mirror. Double lawsuit.

Billy drags Ally into his office by her "arm." They stare at each other for a few seconds. She says that she saw a whole room filled with him the night before and it was awful. He asks why. She says she doesn't know and that's why she's so upset. The last thing she wants to fantasize about is Billy. "Talk about regressing." "That was a putdown," Billy says. Ally goes on about how the lyrics of the song she was singing (backup!) last night were about pain and heartbreak and getting hurt by a man. She touches her face a lot and says she doesn't know why it happened. He asks if she's still angry. She says maybe she is. He asks why. Ally starts yelling again about how she shouldn't have to do all of the analysis. Billy yells back that he doesn't know what she's angry about. "Maybe because you left me again!" she yells. There's a moment of silence. She says that she's upset that they broke up as a couple, about which she should be relieved. She's actually fine with it, and when she looks at him and what he does, she should be relieved. She says she misses his friendship. She couldn't be friends with him the way he's been acting (this comes with another recap of the season, but I assume you know all of the things that have happened). "And then, the way that you can still see in me. And how you knew I wanted to dance, and...I so want your friendship back, I so want. I so miss it." Gee, I guess Billy really knows the real Ally, huh? Friends like those are hard to come by. Screw Elaine and Renee. And people who never met her. Billy is the only one who knew she wanted to dance. Billy says that they should try to get their friendship back. She asks how. He grabs a bowl of candy off his desk and offers it to her. He asks what's been going on in her life for the past month. She takes one candy, holds it between her fingers ("But notice how she never takes one bite, folks!"), and recaps February Sweeps. There's a look of happiness on Billy's face as Gil Bellows thinks, "I don't have to put up with this miserable bitch much longer." Billy says they should go out for drinks and talk. Ally says that he can tell her about Sandy. She asks if he likes her. He says he does. He says that his friendship with Ally is everything. He apologizes for his actions. "Are you back?" she asks. Billy stands up and opens his arms. "I'm back," he says. They hug.

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Ally McBeal




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