Ally McBeal
The Oddball Parade

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
The Oddball Parade

Back at the Office That Miraculously Still Employs Ally, Elaine tells Ally that only forty-two people entered the contest, so everyone got in. Apparently they didn't broadcast the contest very well. Ally and Elaine bust into silent dance grooves. Billy walks up and openly ogles their breasts as his mouth opens. Billy asks what's going on. Ally talks for a really long time as Billy reminds her to breathe. She says that her and Elaine are auditioning to be backup singers for Tina Turner. We already knew that, but it's so fun to see her quirks and eye twitches, isn't it? Ally's eyes never blink, except for one that sort of twitches when she says "Elaine." Ally continues (of course) to say that she's now going to get to meet Tina and that she always loved Tina since she "sniffed [Billy's] butt and decided that [he] was the man for [her]," and that she doesn't really like the smell of Billy's ass anymore, but still. Elaine just giggles as Ally gets a temporary case of lockjaw and shakes her head. She makes me very nervous.

John walks into Richard's office and announces that he's fraught. Richard is busy going through his "Gwen's fan mail" folder, which is spilling out little notes left and right. John says he's worried because they have a very difficult case that is going up in front of Judge Walsh, who doesn't like it when Richard opens his mouth and words come out. John says he doesn't want a bunch of Fishisms. Richard says he's really grown as a trial lawyer and that things will be fine. Richard says that he's ready and this signals a cowbell for some reason. He walks out of the office.

Ally is clutching Elaine's arm like the co-dependant that she is. Elaine explains that they only have twenty seconds until they call out the next number to show their stuff. Someone heard us bitching about Ally's nipples, so they gave her an undershirt. "Ally?" Pretty Assistant interrupts. I guess she's moved up enough in rank to call her Sandy now. Ally gives Elaine the growl-sneer so she walks away. Ally turns to Sandy and says, "Yes?" in a way that makes me want to smack her. Whoa. I totally turned into my mother just then. Sorry. Sandy thanks Ally for her good advice. Ally acts like she doesn't know what's going on and then "realizes" that Sandy's talking about Billy. Ally asks if Sandy and Billy are together now. Sandy says that it seems so. Before Ally can turn the entire relationship into something about her, Billy walks into the room. "What's new?" Ally sneers. Billy grabs her arm and asks if he can steal her for a second. Ally's lip twitches. He winks to Sandy as he pulls Ally into his office. Billy tells Ally that he thinks entering the contest would be a bad idea because of what it could do to the firm's reputation. Ally calls Billy the pot and says that the kettle shouldn't have to worry about the firm's reputation after the way Billy has been conducting himself lately. Billy admits that he's been "acting crazy" but wants to know whether Ally is planning on doing more of the same. Billy. Baby. She's not acting.

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Ally McBeal




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