Ally McBeal
The Oddball Parade

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The Oddball Parade

Cut to Elaine's butt. It is shaking. Elaine flips up. Her boobs are shaking. How many times have I written "butt" and "boobs" this season? Shaking, shaking, shaking as Elaine dances to "Proud Mary." Ally walks in with a look of shock. Shake. Shake. Ally walks over and turns off the music with a visible pout. Elaine continues to shake and pant until we have a close-up of Elaine putting her hands on her ass to stop the shaking. She says that once they start going they take on a life of their own. David E. Kelley's world is just so perfect, isn't it? Ally asks Elaine if she's sure she should be in the contest. Elaine asks why shouldn't she? Ally says that Elaine is more "Liza Minnelli" than Tina Turner. Elaine storms out before we get to hear what the hell that means. Billy walks in and Ally asks what he wants. Billy apologizes for criticizing her. Ally says she apologizes for picking on his "teenage friend." Billy asks if it bothers her. "No!" she says. "I'm so sure. A little." I've had more valid emotions over burnt Pop-Tarts. Ally says that she's over Billy, but every time he's with someone else she feels "a pinch." She asks if he feels that way. He says he does, a little. Ally gets all uncomfortable and says that she needs to practice because Elaine is going to be hard to beat. Billy asks Ally if she finds this contest "a little silly." Ally says she's become a big fan of silly. I haven't. Billy reminds us of the joke bet that Ally lost, and asks how she thinks she's going to get up there on stage and shake like Tina Turner. Instead of reminding Billy that she slutted out on stage at Christmas, she says that a few years ago she didn't have the need. Ally complains about being a rich professional. I'll spare you. Billy completes her sentence by relating that she's escaping her life. Never a fan of subtlety, Ally asks, "Isn't that what you're doing with Sandy?" Billy looks at Ally for a while. She asks why he's looking at her that way. He says that every once in a while he gets "a hit." "Duck!" Ally says. "Yeah," Billy whispers. The oboe takes us to blackout.

Continuing the most offensive ad campaign ever, The Colonel pretends to be so down with his homies that now he's into basketball. He spins the ball on his finger and at one point pulls his fist down by his hip and shouts "Boo-ya!" Notice how the man never takes off his plantation uniform.

I see Nelle for the first time. It's a L'oreal commercial.

The Clapper explains that he repeats words and claps his hands. He repeats words when he hears other people repeat words. The jurors look nauseous. He says that he was fired because his applauding made people nervous, but it never affected his job. John silently claps his hands.

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Ally McBeal

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