The club is filling up with people. The "wackadoos" sit at a table. Billy asks Ally why she isn't in costume. Ally says she figured everyone else would be dressed up. A woman stands on the stage and announces the rules. Once your number is called, "Get your ass up here. You got twenty seconds." She then announces that they are going to be judged by Tina. She points out where Tina is sitting. Everyone turns to look. "Do not approach Miss Turner. You do that, you get disqualified. Do not go near the lady." Ally sneers at her bad luck, but I'm too busy fantasizing about the day I can sit at a table and it is announced that I am a lady and you can't go near me.
Richard and John watch the tape of Richard's media statement from earlier. He's going on about the freaks and weirdos in Boston ("Ever been to a Patriots game? The girls get huge in the winter"). and John is getting very upset. Richard thinks he spoke beautifully. He was supporting "the ugly people." Richard asks John what's bothering him. "Is this case hitting a little too close to home?" Richard enlightens us all by saying that John has a special place in his heart for "oddballs" because he is one. John puts his hands up to his head and asks Richard to not talk. "Please don't talk. Can you do that? Can you not talk?" Kevin Spacey then walks in and asks Richard if he'll go to lunch. Will he go to lunch? Will he go to lunch? Will he go to lunch? Will he go to lunch? Richard immediately begins talking and walks out of the room.
Well, if you're gonna finish February Sweeps the right way, you might as well do it with some ass-shaking. Lord knows you aren't going to find nookie in The 10th Kingdom. Lots of shots of women shaking their things. One woman has that Lockjaw Syndrome where her front teeth jut out while she dances. Some women get more camera time than others. "This could get brutal," Nelle says to no one. "I'm bored," Ling says just as I phone in the line for her. Ally asks Ling to "try to cope." As Number Eleven screams and starts to rush the stage for her turn, Ling kicks out a foot and trips her. The girl falls right on her face. Hee. Ling says it was an accident. Number Eleven's boobs are just fine though, and they keep swinging around much to the amusement of The Lady. Boobs. Angela Bassett boobs. Big boobs on a surprised face. Ally tilts her head. Sparkly boobs. Thighs. Cue the Bodybuilder. Shot of The Lady laughing. Richard laughs. Elaine is amused. Alanis Morrisette. Large woman faces the wrong way and dances. Tina looks tired. I hand her my third Dos Equis. She says that I'm a good woman, "and not in that Billy or Ike way." I know what she means. More dancing. Angela Bassett wannabe. Some woman who must know David E. Kelley. Woman in a wheelchair. Man. I flip channels to see if I can watch the audition scene from The Full Monty instead. Damn.