Ally McBeal
The Oddball Parade

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The Oddball Parade

Tina now looks completely bored, since she already finished my beer. It's Elaine's turn. She stands sideways so we don't miss any of her ass as she grinds and shakes. Butt. Butt. Richard says she bets Elaine's "an amazing rattle." Ally hits him. She can hear him over all of this. Elaine continues to shake, shake, shake. Ally's number is called. Elaine takes a bow. Ally takes her sweet time to the stage and then starts slowly peeling off her jacket like she's this big wallflower. Ling tells her to break her leg. Like, really break it. In the time that it takes Ally to take off her jacket the next number should have been called, but remember the name of the show. Ally stands very still. Tina is bored. Ally brings a hand to her mouth and begins moving her hips back and forth. They give her sailor pants so her hips can look even boxier than they already are. Complete vacant stare as Ally continues to simply move her hips from side to side. Side to side. Side to side. Tina tilts her head and thinks, "This is some long-ass twenty seconds here." Side to side. Side to side. Ooh, she does a round motion. Complete vacant stare. The crowd, for some reason, continues to cheer. Ally's arms go up for a second, but then she's back to the vacant stare. Tina tilts her head the other way; "I've seen more rhythm in a Robert Palmer video." Side to side. Side to side. Suddenly Ally's arms shoot forward and backward. Forward and backward. I guess this is where she's supposed to be really getting into it, but it looks like she's trying to follow a Tae-Bo tape. Quick shot of Tina's face all

Night sky as we hear the cheers come to a close. Back at the bar, time has passed. The woman comes out and announces that the winner is (all together now) Ally. John stands up and claps. Ally hugs Richard. Elaine is (understandably) shocked. Fade to commercial.

An ad for Get Real comes on, reminding me that my true hell is just around the corner. Even in a hospital bed, Kenny has absolutely no neck.

The courtroom is filled with "oddballs." John worries that they are there to complain. Richard and S&S say that they are there for support. Richard points out "Cousin It" as the judge calls the court to order.

Elaine is in paisleys. Ally is wearing pants she stole from Joey Ramone. Ally tells Elaine that she was fantastic. Elaine snaps that Ally was better. Elaine says that she's okay with it, but Ally gloats that clearly she's not. Ally says they could have picked any number of women. "But they picked you," Elaine says. "Like always. They picked you." I guess Elaine is finally catching on. Ally asks if Elaine is more upset that she didn't win or that Ally did. Elaine admits that it's both. As Ling steps into earshot, Elaine says that she needs to believe that she's better at some things than Ally. She thought dancing was one of them. "Oh, Elaine," Ally says looking down. "You're, you're just...you're not." Bitch. Elaine stares at Ally. Ally says it was just a joke. Elaine continues to be the better person and says that she'll be there to support Ally during the concert. She walks by Ling as Ally asks if Ling needs something. Ling purrs a "congratulations."

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Ally McBeal

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